Maddie asked constantly, about every half hour, if we had gotten our answer. Finally on day 4, I responded with this. "We would love to move forward with you, get to know you and look into this adoption", sounds promising right?
"So you want my babies, then?"
"We would love them, can you get us some information and let's definitely stay in touch"
"Yea"
"Did you get your answer from God?"
"No, but we are moving forward with faith"
"Yea"
This is where my desperate attempts to find her a support system and proof of pregnancy came into play. I called counselors in her area, my own counselor locally, my adoption attorney and even bishops near her. She agreed to work with a counselor, but not an agency. I sent her the 13 page medical and social questionnaire, that she would eventually have to fill out for the completion of a legal adoption. Birthdad would have to do the same eventually. We needed to get the ball rolling and get information from her to be able to proceed forward.
By day 5, we still had not received any information from her including confirmation of pregnancy. I asked her when her next doctor's appt was and she told me in two weeks. Awesome, we can spend the time to continue to develop our own relationship. Unfortunately she was becoming more and more resistant to getting support and was focusing more on her own needs for attention. She had requested to contact one of our birthmoms on day 1, so she could get to know us through their eyes. I was able to get a hold of Jerica and she was more than willing to chat with Maddie. She wanted to know how long it took for us to know if Kya was our baby. "Why does she want to meet my parents?" "Why is it taking so long for them to know?" "How long did it take them to answer you?" "Why do my parents need to be involved" and so on. Tuesday, day 5, started off rough with a lot of resistance from her and the need of certainty for us. She contacted Jerica that "we were adopting the babies", after I told her we were moving forward. And Jerica heard very quickly that, "we got in a fight today", when she would not allow me to meet her parents. Or got upset because I encouraged her to stop drinking when she asked me what she should do, and then advised she drink water or juice.
Then, my world got dark, I felt myself falling, fast and hard. She informed me that the babies had not moved in a while. "What should I do?" Call the doctor, drink some water, you could be dehydrated. A call was made to the doctors, the uncertain decision to go to the hospital, finding a ride from a friend to take her (her car is broken) and her arrival and blood pressure were obtained...all within a matter of about 10 minutes. Wow, that was fast! I continued to correspond with her and even requested to chat with her on the phone, maybe even chat with the nurses, with her consent. We were needing to get some clarity and now that there was a threat of "miscarriage", we really needed some answers.
By the time she had been to the hospital and home in a very short time, after a whole day of non-stop conversation, I was tired, it was late and my eyes were nearly swollen shut with tears. My head was pounding and spinning and my heart was physically hurting. Carl was trying his best to console me and help me understand things as best he could. Why can't I just know for sure what it is I am supposed to do? If not more children, then what? I know I have so much to give, where else can I? Are these babies mine? Are there really babies there? Why won't she cooperate? Why won't she allow her parents to support her? Why was I so lost and so numb? Why, why, why? So many unanswered questions. I couldn't do it anymore, so I put my phone down and tried to ignore her constant texting.
"Why do you want to talk to doctor, they busy"
"Besides, I would have to tell them about you" This after already agreeing to sign a release of information form.
"Besides, I tired and want to go to bed"
"You right, I dehydrated, just want to go to bed"
"I hate water, I don't like drinking that"
"Jerica, did Paula talked to your doctor?"
"Were they ok with that?"
Finally, I texted and said, "ok, goodnight"
"Do you still want babies?"
What was she doing to me? Did she know that my heart was not only breaking for the potential loss of twins, or the idea of twins, but also breaking for her? If this is real, what can I do for her? If this is not, what can I do for her? Why can't I just have more children? It shouldn't be this hard, should it?
"Goodnight, we'll talk more in the morning", but our conversation didn't end there. She wanted to know why it was so important for her parents to be involved. She wanted to drink. I couldn't let her go then, with the possibility of that happening. So I did the best I could to end the night with love.
"Sweetie, drink lots of water, and it had to be explained to her again why, because you are dehydrated and need to take care of yourself and your babies"
"They are your babies", she would reply.
"Get some sleep and lets talk in the morning"
Phew, I was exhausted. This was only 10% of our conversations that day. I was in a "face down in the arena" moment. Quote from Brene' Brown's book "Rising Strong". (more on this book later)
Day 6:
"Good morning Maddie, how did you sleep?"
I tried to start the next day off with a positive note, and her replies were as if nothing happened the night before. Two job interviews that day for her, and her mom was home from work for her own birthday. After our usual small talk she shared with me that the babies were moving again. This is good news. "Are you drinking water?"
"I hate water"
"Add flavor to it"
"ya"
Often our conversations were on repeat. Just breath, I thought to myself.
"Why do you want to talk to my parents, or doctor?"
Was this unreasonable for me to ask? "If you say you want me to be the mother of your girls, then I would like to know how they are doing and their progress. I would also love to have you have a support team while you go through this. It's important to us that you have that"
"I an a adult, its not their decision"
I couldn't take anymore, she needed to cooperate, as we were willing to do whatever it took to help her from a distant.
"Maddie, I need you to get me proof of pregnancy, either with an ultrasound, the doctor's notes on your visit, a call to or from the doctor, you meeting with a counselor, attorney or agency or something to help us be able to move forward, this week please"
"Fine, I get you proof tomorrow, don't know why you need it, but I get it"
Thank you, that's all we need right now, in order to continue with adoption. If you want my friendship, love and attention, usually you just have to ask. I have a lot of love to give, but not when I am promised babies, for it. Preying on my vulnerability isn't an invitation for my love.
Three days went by, with small talk and excuses. I am upstairs, I'll get the doctor's name and number for you later. I am in the bathroom. I am in a mood, had a fight with boyfriend, I'll text you later. After the first time she told me about her being hit by her boyfriend, I did ask if I could call the police for her, this is not a good situation to be in. She refused. I'm lazy right now, don't want to get up. I forgot the doctor's name. I don't have money for a counselor. Although meeting with an LDS bishop initially is free, and possibly finding a counselor or financial aid wasn't going to work for her either. My car doesn't work, how would I get there. I don't want my parents to help me
One after the other, there was a reason she would not cooperate. She did however have a doctor's appointment on day 8. When the time passed for her to contact me about the appointment and how the babies were doing, I heard nothing. No texting, no calls, nothing.
"How was your appointment today?"
"Good"
"Wanna tell me about it?"
"I tired"
"Did you sign the release form at the doctor's?"
"yes"
"Can I get the doctor's name so I can call?"
"I tired, got in fight with boyfriend, want to sleep" at 3 in the afternoon
"Maddie, please give me the name or give me something to work with or I will need to cut this off"
Silence
"Fine"
"Fine what?"
"Fine, cut me off"
Nothing.........................but heartache.
To be continued
"my greatest desire, became my greatest challenge, which ultimately is my greatest blessing" I started this blog after seeing a friend start a blog for infertility and a place to go for support. Well, my husband and I are infertile and we have been blessed with the experience of adoption. This blog is for those who are looking for another option...the Option of Adoption.
Sunday, March 20, 2016
Saturday, March 19, 2016
Part 3...and the story continues. Part 4 very shortly behind.
I feel a little bad. My initial intention was not for this story to be a cliffhanger. However, it's a bit of a story and I knew I wouldn't be able to write it all in one night, so I had to break it up. So I apologize for making everyone wait for the truth of the story. And unfortunately I don't have a baby in my arm ending of the story. It's simply a life lesson, and education opportunity of the reality of the roller coaster ride called, "Adoption". Seriously, I should design an amusement ride that takes one through the peaks and valleys of adoption. What a ride that could be!
Well, Maddie and I were connected every day for over a week, usually with a simple "Hi" in the morning, that followed with the activities of our days. Maddie was needing someone to talk to, she needed love and attention. We even had a great FaceTime conversation. The majority of the call was small talk and me looking up her nose. She was watching a movie during our call and I think she must have forgotten that she was on FaceTime.
I was still very concerned with many "red flags", namely her constant comments regarding drinking, "Why is it bad", "Life is hard and it helps", "I don't drink very often". Then to her desperate cry for help when she would talk about her boyfriend's controlling behaviors, punching her in the stomach when she told him she was pregnant, or him "ripping up the ultrasound". I found this out when I asked to see it and see the babies, where in the back of my mind, it was my first attempt to get "proof of pregnancy". This is important in the very early stages of any adoption story. In the past we had either met with birth moms face to face and could clearly see their cute baby bumps, or were corresponding with agencies that could confirm this information for us. Family, case workers, doctors, attorneys; these were all our ways of confirming the pregnancy before. With Maddie, it was pulling teeth trying to get proof. She did send me a picture of herself, but I really couldn't see a baby bump. No worries, she would get to the doctor again and I would get my confirmation.
The days went on and she was very persistent with the need to know our answer as to whether or not we would adopt the twins. With so many concerns and uncertainties still out there, we still hadn't received our answer. This is so difficult for me at times.
With Kya's adoption, I spent countless nights praying to my Father in Heaven. I may have even begged a little. "Please let whatever birthmother that finds us, be unique to us. I pray that our 'story' will be so special to us that we will just know". My prayer was answered, the words that came out of grandma's (Jerica's mom) mouth were the answer to my prayers. "This baby was grown in Hawaii". Jaw dropping moment for me. I was born in Hawaii. That was my baby, without a doubt, I felt it, I knew. My heart pounded and joy filled my soul in that very moment. Even through the tough times before Kya's birth....I still knew. With Zander, we had a similar experience. If you've already read it, I apologize for the repeat, but it applies here. I was awakened in the middle of the night with a potty training little girl. Once she was back in bed and sound asleep (I love to watch my kids sleep sometimes) I lay wide awake in my bed with the nagging thought that I needed to update my family blog, the blog we shared with birthfamilies in our profile of our little family. Updating my blogs seem to be a repeat offense for me. Well, we had recently moved, were in the middle of our first house complete remodel and I had neglected to post in a while. I couldn't sleep until I posted something. The next day, Tess found us. She had prayed the day before for us to post so she could get her answer. That night, the Lord woke me up and told me to get her an answer. I knew that was my baby.
Didn't we deserve to know about these little baby girl twins the same way? This is what Carl believes. I often question, "do we need to just have faith and jump in with both feet, He will answer us later?" Faith, that's what it was going to take, we just needed A LOT of faith. Why did I still feel numb and why hadn't we gotten our answer yet. It seemed so easy before. Ever since Zander's story, we have struggled with the answer. Which then leaves me to believe I may not be a mother again in this life. This thought hurts, it truly brings pain to my heart of the idea I may be done. I just can't bring myself to say it, "I'm done". Is a mother ever really done? Even though her family feels complete, can a mother honestly say they are done? I may stand alone in this thought, and that is ok with me, but it's a battle I fight everyday.
Maddie.
Well, Maddie and I were connected every day for over a week, usually with a simple "Hi" in the morning, that followed with the activities of our days. Maddie was needing someone to talk to, she needed love and attention. We even had a great FaceTime conversation. The majority of the call was small talk and me looking up her nose. She was watching a movie during our call and I think she must have forgotten that she was on FaceTime.
I was still very concerned with many "red flags", namely her constant comments regarding drinking, "Why is it bad", "Life is hard and it helps", "I don't drink very often". Then to her desperate cry for help when she would talk about her boyfriend's controlling behaviors, punching her in the stomach when she told him she was pregnant, or him "ripping up the ultrasound". I found this out when I asked to see it and see the babies, where in the back of my mind, it was my first attempt to get "proof of pregnancy". This is important in the very early stages of any adoption story. In the past we had either met with birth moms face to face and could clearly see their cute baby bumps, or were corresponding with agencies that could confirm this information for us. Family, case workers, doctors, attorneys; these were all our ways of confirming the pregnancy before. With Maddie, it was pulling teeth trying to get proof. She did send me a picture of herself, but I really couldn't see a baby bump. No worries, she would get to the doctor again and I would get my confirmation.
The days went on and she was very persistent with the need to know our answer as to whether or not we would adopt the twins. With so many concerns and uncertainties still out there, we still hadn't received our answer. This is so difficult for me at times.
With Kya's adoption, I spent countless nights praying to my Father in Heaven. I may have even begged a little. "Please let whatever birthmother that finds us, be unique to us. I pray that our 'story' will be so special to us that we will just know". My prayer was answered, the words that came out of grandma's (Jerica's mom) mouth were the answer to my prayers. "This baby was grown in Hawaii". Jaw dropping moment for me. I was born in Hawaii. That was my baby, without a doubt, I felt it, I knew. My heart pounded and joy filled my soul in that very moment. Even through the tough times before Kya's birth....I still knew. With Zander, we had a similar experience. If you've already read it, I apologize for the repeat, but it applies here. I was awakened in the middle of the night with a potty training little girl. Once she was back in bed and sound asleep (I love to watch my kids sleep sometimes) I lay wide awake in my bed with the nagging thought that I needed to update my family blog, the blog we shared with birthfamilies in our profile of our little family. Updating my blogs seem to be a repeat offense for me. Well, we had recently moved, were in the middle of our first house complete remodel and I had neglected to post in a while. I couldn't sleep until I posted something. The next day, Tess found us. She had prayed the day before for us to post so she could get her answer. That night, the Lord woke me up and told me to get her an answer. I knew that was my baby.
Didn't we deserve to know about these little baby girl twins the same way? This is what Carl believes. I often question, "do we need to just have faith and jump in with both feet, He will answer us later?" Faith, that's what it was going to take, we just needed A LOT of faith. Why did I still feel numb and why hadn't we gotten our answer yet. It seemed so easy before. Ever since Zander's story, we have struggled with the answer. Which then leaves me to believe I may not be a mother again in this life. This thought hurts, it truly brings pain to my heart of the idea I may be done. I just can't bring myself to say it, "I'm done". Is a mother ever really done? Even though her family feels complete, can a mother honestly say they are done? I may stand alone in this thought, and that is ok with me, but it's a battle I fight everyday.
Maddie.
Friday, March 18, 2016
Part 2, Heartbreaking truth
I woke up early this morning, not able to sleep. Reread last night's blog post and realized how I truly left you hanging. There is so much more to this story, that I didn't feel comfortable stopping there. However, when you are up til wee hours of the morning, your brain starts to turn to moosh, and that is exactly what was happening last night (technically, this morning).
The past two weeks have been peak and valleys to say the least. I have lived through moments of excitement, curiosity, vulnerability, pure hell, sense of loss, and an attempt at acceptance. Ultimately resulting in deep soul searching and falling to my knees, only to wear out all the knees in my pants. Holy pants and torn jeans are the new fashion, right. Well prayer has put me into the lastest trends, if not, I'm bringing them back!
So, was this for real? Were we going to be parents of twin girls, only to have a 7 and 9 year gap between our children. Were we ready for it, again? Did it matter? If those are my babies, I didn't care, about any of those concerns. So, I jumped in with both feet, getting to know Maddie, but somehow still holding onto the rope behind me that told me, "nope, this feels odd".
Before we met Kya's birthmom, the week before, we met with our very first birthmother. Our very first contact, 7 months after our adoption journey began. With a few email correspondence, here's what we knew. Birthmom was from Ogden, Utah (we were living in Logan at the time), she was carrying twin girls, and I thought I was on cloud 10....yup, in my world there are more than 9 clouds. We spoke with our caseworker, adoption counselor, who at the time was getting ready to retire, and we were advised to try to meet with birthmom in a neutral setting, preferably with another counselor, birthmom's perhaps. Well, this wasn't going to work out, because she didn't have one yet? Red flag? Carl and I decided to go ahead and set up a face to face with her, but it would have to be on our own. Our agency was wonderful to work with, but with some of the office changes going on at the time, we had to proceed on our own in some things.
We drove down to Ogden, picked her up from her apartment complex and took her out for ice cream. Ice cream is always a great "ice" breaker. It was a lovely evening, small talk and all, and then it happened. She reached across the table, grabbed my hands in hers, and said, "I want you to be the parents of my little baby girl"......Huh?
That's all I felt, "huh?". Ok, that's cool, as if my high school bestie just told me that she was going to try out for the band, cool. It's all I had, I was overcome with questions, and numbness. I thought you were having twin girls? Are you sure? Why am I not running through the ice cream shop doing cartwheels and jumping for joy? We were just "chosen".
These same feelings were creeping right back in with Maddie, and yet, I wanted so bad for this to be the next chapter of our family story, even if it had to be the ending. Twins. I always wanted twins. I was even willing to adopt another little girl the same time we were blessed with Zander, just so I could pretend to have twins. Its pathetic, I know. I'll do whatever I am ask to do, dear Lord.
Maddie and I grew close, in a matter of days, if not hours. I am very honest in my questioning and she was more than willing to accommodate me with the answers. How does birthdad feel? Why won't you tell your parents? Why won't you work with an agency? Do you have health insurance? Can I send you a medical and social history questionnaire for you to fill out, 13 pages long? This is how the conversation went on my end. Birthdad doesn't care, is it bad for the babies to be hit in the stomach? Agencies think I am a fraud, because of my miscarriage last year. My parents will kick me out. Yes, I have health insurance. I wish I had a job. Nobody cares about me. Is it bad to drink while I'm pregnant? Stop right there! This is where it got real, real fast for me. NO, its not ok to drink while you are pregnant. "Why not?" I understand very well that she had a learning disability, but was she serious? Were there red flags, everywhere?
Carl is very protective of me, my emotions and his own feelings as well. He said right up front, I am not going to get emotionally attached until I get an answer from the Lord. Fair enough, I agree, but I can't emotionally step out. I already started to develop a love for Maddie. Her life was less than ideal, she was reaching out for help, for love, for attention. I have more than enough of this to give, when my heart isn't being played with. But I continued on, calling our attorney's office, making several calls and leaving messages with the LDS Family Services counselor in Columbus, Ohio, leaving messages with the Bishop of the LDS church near Maddie's home. I was desperately trying to build her a team, her own support system. I even asked to speak with her doctor, with her consent of course. She agreed to all that, just not her parents. I needed to know that she had help, she had someone to talk to during this difficult decision. I needed to know that she was pregnant. That's right, we still hadn't received confirmation of the pregnancy, but I would push on, it was still early. It's not about the babies for me in the early stages of an open adoption relationship. Our birthmothers become my sisters and all I care about is them. And Maddie needed me. I saw all the red flags she was waving, but she still needed me. And I needed to know that there was a possibility that I would be a mother, again. I needed this to hold onto. Until you prove otherwise to me, all people are good. Does this make me vulnerable, weak or stupid? Maybe? Does it make me human? Yes? Does it make me vulnerable, dangling my heart out there for others to crush, stomp on, only after playing with like a hacky sack for a while? Absolutely. But the idea of being a mother again....its all worth it. Its the price I'm reluctantly willing to pay. Isn't that why we are here?
"Did you hear from God today?" This was the question I got on my text, just about every 20 minutes on days 3 and 4 of our little charade.
"Yes I did, but not about the babies, yet". Why wasn't He telling me this was right? Why did I still feel numb, like I did with birthmom Sarah in 2006? When only a week after meeting Sarah, we met Kya's and there was, without a doubt, a loud and resounding, 'YES, that is your baby'.
Maddie was persistent. She wanted us to be the parents, "how you feel bout that?", she would ask. How do I feel about that? Ecstatic! Thrilled! Beyond words! Emotions cannot properly be described when you think you could be a mother. But why the numbness too?
I wasn't going to give up, just yet!
The past two weeks have been peak and valleys to say the least. I have lived through moments of excitement, curiosity, vulnerability, pure hell, sense of loss, and an attempt at acceptance. Ultimately resulting in deep soul searching and falling to my knees, only to wear out all the knees in my pants. Holy pants and torn jeans are the new fashion, right. Well prayer has put me into the lastest trends, if not, I'm bringing them back!
So, was this for real? Were we going to be parents of twin girls, only to have a 7 and 9 year gap between our children. Were we ready for it, again? Did it matter? If those are my babies, I didn't care, about any of those concerns. So, I jumped in with both feet, getting to know Maddie, but somehow still holding onto the rope behind me that told me, "nope, this feels odd".
Before we met Kya's birthmom, the week before, we met with our very first birthmother. Our very first contact, 7 months after our adoption journey began. With a few email correspondence, here's what we knew. Birthmom was from Ogden, Utah (we were living in Logan at the time), she was carrying twin girls, and I thought I was on cloud 10....yup, in my world there are more than 9 clouds. We spoke with our caseworker, adoption counselor, who at the time was getting ready to retire, and we were advised to try to meet with birthmom in a neutral setting, preferably with another counselor, birthmom's perhaps. Well, this wasn't going to work out, because she didn't have one yet? Red flag? Carl and I decided to go ahead and set up a face to face with her, but it would have to be on our own. Our agency was wonderful to work with, but with some of the office changes going on at the time, we had to proceed on our own in some things.
We drove down to Ogden, picked her up from her apartment complex and took her out for ice cream. Ice cream is always a great "ice" breaker. It was a lovely evening, small talk and all, and then it happened. She reached across the table, grabbed my hands in hers, and said, "I want you to be the parents of my little baby girl"......Huh?
That's all I felt, "huh?". Ok, that's cool, as if my high school bestie just told me that she was going to try out for the band, cool. It's all I had, I was overcome with questions, and numbness. I thought you were having twin girls? Are you sure? Why am I not running through the ice cream shop doing cartwheels and jumping for joy? We were just "chosen".
These same feelings were creeping right back in with Maddie, and yet, I wanted so bad for this to be the next chapter of our family story, even if it had to be the ending. Twins. I always wanted twins. I was even willing to adopt another little girl the same time we were blessed with Zander, just so I could pretend to have twins. Its pathetic, I know. I'll do whatever I am ask to do, dear Lord.
Maddie and I grew close, in a matter of days, if not hours. I am very honest in my questioning and she was more than willing to accommodate me with the answers. How does birthdad feel? Why won't you tell your parents? Why won't you work with an agency? Do you have health insurance? Can I send you a medical and social history questionnaire for you to fill out, 13 pages long? This is how the conversation went on my end. Birthdad doesn't care, is it bad for the babies to be hit in the stomach? Agencies think I am a fraud, because of my miscarriage last year. My parents will kick me out. Yes, I have health insurance. I wish I had a job. Nobody cares about me. Is it bad to drink while I'm pregnant? Stop right there! This is where it got real, real fast for me. NO, its not ok to drink while you are pregnant. "Why not?" I understand very well that she had a learning disability, but was she serious? Were there red flags, everywhere?
Carl is very protective of me, my emotions and his own feelings as well. He said right up front, I am not going to get emotionally attached until I get an answer from the Lord. Fair enough, I agree, but I can't emotionally step out. I already started to develop a love for Maddie. Her life was less than ideal, she was reaching out for help, for love, for attention. I have more than enough of this to give, when my heart isn't being played with. But I continued on, calling our attorney's office, making several calls and leaving messages with the LDS Family Services counselor in Columbus, Ohio, leaving messages with the Bishop of the LDS church near Maddie's home. I was desperately trying to build her a team, her own support system. I even asked to speak with her doctor, with her consent of course. She agreed to all that, just not her parents. I needed to know that she had help, she had someone to talk to during this difficult decision. I needed to know that she was pregnant. That's right, we still hadn't received confirmation of the pregnancy, but I would push on, it was still early. It's not about the babies for me in the early stages of an open adoption relationship. Our birthmothers become my sisters and all I care about is them. And Maddie needed me. I saw all the red flags she was waving, but she still needed me. And I needed to know that there was a possibility that I would be a mother, again. I needed this to hold onto. Until you prove otherwise to me, all people are good. Does this make me vulnerable, weak or stupid? Maybe? Does it make me human? Yes? Does it make me vulnerable, dangling my heart out there for others to crush, stomp on, only after playing with like a hacky sack for a while? Absolutely. But the idea of being a mother again....its all worth it. Its the price I'm reluctantly willing to pay. Isn't that why we are here?
"Did you hear from God today?" This was the question I got on my text, just about every 20 minutes on days 3 and 4 of our little charade.
"Yes I did, but not about the babies, yet". Why wasn't He telling me this was right? Why did I still feel numb, like I did with birthmom Sarah in 2006? When only a week after meeting Sarah, we met Kya's and there was, without a doubt, a loud and resounding, 'YES, that is your baby'.
Maddie was persistent. She wanted us to be the parents, "how you feel bout that?", she would ask. How do I feel about that? Ecstatic! Thrilled! Beyond words! Emotions cannot properly be described when you think you could be a mother. But why the numbness too?
I wasn't going to give up, just yet!
Thursday, March 17, 2016
Heart breaking truth Part 1
I've decided to pick up my blog again and share more thoughts on adoption. Not sure how consistent this will be, but I will try. It looks like there is a part 2, to Tess's story, so we'll have to check in on that later.
Today I want to start to share my latest experience with adoption. I was sitting on my couch reading a book, while Kya sat on my computer working on one of her "books". She loves to read and create stories of her own. Zander sat on his knees, leaning up against the coffee table composing his latest work of art, the next Picasso or Van Gough lives in my house. I was distracted from my reading when my phone text chimed. I looked down to see a number I didn't recognize, but being a business owner, I will rarely ignore a text. Carefully picking up the phone to see what this stranger had to say, all that it said was, "Hi". Ok, who is prank texting me, and who got this number. I've received odd texts like this before, and have had some interesting conversations with "text pals" who were reaching out to friends or family who used to have my current number. Reluctantly, I replied with a simple and innocent "Hi". Just seconds later two texts rang through. "Sorry to text just want help" "Want a family for my babies". What? Who is this, and how did you get my number? I was a little taken back, considering we have been "trying to adopt" since my son was 2, now 7.
We have been through 2 scams and 3 legit birthmoms who ultimately went a different direction, not to mention the short lived relationships with birthmoms we've had entailing a quick inquiry email or contact and then no further correspondence. The beauty of adoption for birthmothers is they have so many options when it comes to the decisions they make in the best interest of their sweet angels. On the flip side, they have a lot of options, and choosing the right one, is no easy task. As an adoptive mom, I don't know exactly what birthmoms go through during this process, but I have many dear birthmother friends and two birthmoms of my own to get an idea if not empathize with them regarding their decisions and the whys.
So, who was this, how did they get my number and was this a prank, or mistake. I'm not usually paranoid, but when my heart is in play, I can be skeptical. My response, "Wow, thank you for considering us. How did you get my number?"
"Adoption"
"Ok, you found us on adoption.com?"
Phew, that makes sense, we are on parentprofiles.com through adoption.com. Although, this is our first contact through there in a year. Moving forward cautiously I asked, "What do you mean, 'a family for babies?"
"I pregnant"
"Are you looking at other families?"
"Yes, but none want twins"
"Oh, wow, you're having twins"
"Ya, girls"
"That's exciting. What is your name?"
"Name Madeline (name changed)"
"Cool"
"Ya"
"Tell me about yourself"
Maddie proceeds to tell me that she is 24, no job, has an older sister, boyfriend that is controlling and no job either. We continued with small talk for the remainder of the evening. She said she miscarried last May and doesn't want her parents involved because they will kick her out if she "gets pregnant again". Her English seemed very broken to me, and as I have received texts from other birthmothers internationally, I was curious where she was from, so I asked. When it comes to open adoption, in our family, we feel it is very important to communicate honestly from day1.
"Your English seems a little broken, are you from another country?"
"No, Ohio"
"Oh ok, just wondered, I'm sorry if I offended you with my question?"
"No, learning disability"
"Ok, I understand"
We continued to get to know each other via texting. My curiosity spikes and my hands start to shake, as my heart is racing. Tears even begin to form in my eyes with the idea that this may be real, we could possibly be looking forward to twin girls. Wow! Its true what they say, life happens when you've stopped living it....or something like that. Not that I have given up, but "the waiting game" in adoption is tough and if you occupy your days, hours and minutes with worrying or checking profiles and emails constantly, time will slow down to a slugs pace. I literally have "gone insane" during the wait.
In the spring of 2013, I had to step back and take a little mini vacation from our adoption journey. All my energy and attention was in our search for our next baby. I recall one time when I was curled up on my bed, trying to hide under the covers, from the world, from my life and even my children. Only to find myself pulling out the computer to check my emails, in hopes of a birthmother contact, then I went to our profile, skimming over the "statistics" page. How many views had we had that day, what pages did they visit, and how long were they on our profile? These actions consumed my days. My poor children were not getting the mother they deserved. As I set my computer down, in a moment of weakness and pure heartbreak because no one viewed the page that day, nor were there any emails from birthmoms. I started to bawl. Crocodile tears ran down my face and I heard my children playing in the next room. Its as if a lighting bolt struck and I thought, "I don't want my children to grow up thinking, 'all mom ever cared about was another baby, she didn't care about us'" This tore through my heart like a searing hot knife cutting a plastic bottle in half with ease. This was an wake up call moment for me. That night, I told my husband I needed a brake. I needed time away from adoption. My kids needed and deserved their mother and her love and attention. They are growing up fast and I didn't want to miss another minute of this.
But was this finally it, were we finally finding our children to complete our family? The story goes on, another day.
Today I want to start to share my latest experience with adoption. I was sitting on my couch reading a book, while Kya sat on my computer working on one of her "books". She loves to read and create stories of her own. Zander sat on his knees, leaning up against the coffee table composing his latest work of art, the next Picasso or Van Gough lives in my house. I was distracted from my reading when my phone text chimed. I looked down to see a number I didn't recognize, but being a business owner, I will rarely ignore a text. Carefully picking up the phone to see what this stranger had to say, all that it said was, "Hi". Ok, who is prank texting me, and who got this number. I've received odd texts like this before, and have had some interesting conversations with "text pals" who were reaching out to friends or family who used to have my current number. Reluctantly, I replied with a simple and innocent "Hi". Just seconds later two texts rang through. "Sorry to text just want help" "Want a family for my babies". What? Who is this, and how did you get my number? I was a little taken back, considering we have been "trying to adopt" since my son was 2, now 7.
We have been through 2 scams and 3 legit birthmoms who ultimately went a different direction, not to mention the short lived relationships with birthmoms we've had entailing a quick inquiry email or contact and then no further correspondence. The beauty of adoption for birthmothers is they have so many options when it comes to the decisions they make in the best interest of their sweet angels. On the flip side, they have a lot of options, and choosing the right one, is no easy task. As an adoptive mom, I don't know exactly what birthmoms go through during this process, but I have many dear birthmother friends and two birthmoms of my own to get an idea if not empathize with them regarding their decisions and the whys.
So, who was this, how did they get my number and was this a prank, or mistake. I'm not usually paranoid, but when my heart is in play, I can be skeptical. My response, "Wow, thank you for considering us. How did you get my number?"
"Adoption"
"Ok, you found us on adoption.com?"
Phew, that makes sense, we are on parentprofiles.com through adoption.com. Although, this is our first contact through there in a year. Moving forward cautiously I asked, "What do you mean, 'a family for babies?"
"I pregnant"
"Are you looking at other families?"
"Yes, but none want twins"
"Oh, wow, you're having twins"
"Ya, girls"
"That's exciting. What is your name?"
"Name Madeline (name changed)"
"Cool"
"Ya"
"Tell me about yourself"
Maddie proceeds to tell me that she is 24, no job, has an older sister, boyfriend that is controlling and no job either. We continued with small talk for the remainder of the evening. She said she miscarried last May and doesn't want her parents involved because they will kick her out if she "gets pregnant again". Her English seemed very broken to me, and as I have received texts from other birthmothers internationally, I was curious where she was from, so I asked. When it comes to open adoption, in our family, we feel it is very important to communicate honestly from day1.
"Your English seems a little broken, are you from another country?"
"No, Ohio"
"Oh ok, just wondered, I'm sorry if I offended you with my question?"
"No, learning disability"
"Ok, I understand"
We continued to get to know each other via texting. My curiosity spikes and my hands start to shake, as my heart is racing. Tears even begin to form in my eyes with the idea that this may be real, we could possibly be looking forward to twin girls. Wow! Its true what they say, life happens when you've stopped living it....or something like that. Not that I have given up, but "the waiting game" in adoption is tough and if you occupy your days, hours and minutes with worrying or checking profiles and emails constantly, time will slow down to a slugs pace. I literally have "gone insane" during the wait.
In the spring of 2013, I had to step back and take a little mini vacation from our adoption journey. All my energy and attention was in our search for our next baby. I recall one time when I was curled up on my bed, trying to hide under the covers, from the world, from my life and even my children. Only to find myself pulling out the computer to check my emails, in hopes of a birthmother contact, then I went to our profile, skimming over the "statistics" page. How many views had we had that day, what pages did they visit, and how long were they on our profile? These actions consumed my days. My poor children were not getting the mother they deserved. As I set my computer down, in a moment of weakness and pure heartbreak because no one viewed the page that day, nor were there any emails from birthmoms. I started to bawl. Crocodile tears ran down my face and I heard my children playing in the next room. Its as if a lighting bolt struck and I thought, "I don't want my children to grow up thinking, 'all mom ever cared about was another baby, she didn't care about us'" This tore through my heart like a searing hot knife cutting a plastic bottle in half with ease. This was an wake up call moment for me. That night, I told my husband I needed a brake. I needed time away from adoption. My kids needed and deserved their mother and her love and attention. They are growing up fast and I didn't want to miss another minute of this.
But was this finally it, were we finally finding our children to complete our family? The story goes on, another day.
Saturday, April 25, 2015
"Zander Bear" Introducing Tess Laeh...Zander's birthmom Part 1
Zanders Story.
When Paula first asked me to write this I was a little shocked I already hadn't. And when I realized I hadn't, I decided to do some research on her blog to see the kind of things people wrote about, to see if I could give a different perspective, however I learned I was overthinking much of it. So this is my story, Zander's birthmom, Tess Laeh.
I woke up around four in the morning in a panic. I had been so busy with school and working 2 jobs, it just occurred to me I was over a week late. Not too big of a deal, I'm usually irregular, right? But something in me felt different, as though I really didnt need to pee on that stick to know that I had really messed up. That I really didnt need that second little line to show up blue before I knew I was about to become a disappointment to my family, a laughing stock amoung my friends, and when it came right down to it, a really really stupid girl. But low and behold there it was, confirmation of everything that I was feeling showed up the darkest blue that second line could possibly be - I was pregnant.
How did I find myself in this predicament, didn't I know the risks in what I had been doing? The answer was simple, I was in love, and I didn't care about anything other than that at the time. There were no consequences in my mind, another persons life who didnt even exist at the time, who I was holding their fate. I was 19, in love with a boy, and wanted to express it and be as close as possible to him. It was selfish, but try explaining that to my 19 year old self.
I called my boyfriend immediately, over and over again at 4 am until he picked up. In a sleepy panicked slumber I hear "Is everything okay?" The only response I can muster to say is "No." "Whats wrong, whats going on?" "I'm pregnant."
I dont remember the rest of the conversation at all. I knew this was way worse news for him than it was for me. Afterall, he was LDS, his whole family was LDS, including all the siblings significant others, I was already a monkey wrench, and now this. I felt awful, I knew how much the church meant to him, and how his family would react to learning he was sexually active before marriage, let alone getting a girl pregnant. Talks were had, we both morally hated the idea of abortion, and it wasn't even an option in either of our minds. The only other two choices were keep the child, or give it up for adoption. We caught the information early enough, we could hide it from our families for a few weeks while we thought about what to do.
I remember one big conversation we had, we were sitting at a park inside a car for hours. We both werent ready for a kid, but we both loved eachother and thought maybe the responsible thing to do was just to become parents. But we were both honest with eachother in that moment, and there were a couple things that need to be shared, even though its hard to admit.
Jonathan would have been able to drop out of school and work two jobs the next day so we would start our life that way. However, he remembered his father rarely being home, and he never wanted to be that kind of dad.
I could have also dropped out of school and become a stay at home mom, with Jonathan working like that. However, I knew I would regret not finishing school, and end up resenting that I had to do that.
We had only been dating 4 months, and though we had no intention on leaving on another, it was scary to throw our relationship into something as life commiting as parenthood.
The worst thing we had to admit to ourselves that night was we were not the best choice for our soon to be child, and we wanted better for them. And trust me, it still hurts to know we were right. However, before you can see light, you have to surround yourself in darkness.
I woke up around four in the morning in a panic. I had been so busy with school and working 2 jobs, it just occurred to me I was over a week late. Not too big of a deal, I'm usually irregular, right? But something in me felt different, as though I really didnt need to pee on that stick to know that I had really messed up. That I really didnt need that second little line to show up blue before I knew I was about to become a disappointment to my family, a laughing stock amoung my friends, and when it came right down to it, a really really stupid girl. But low and behold there it was, confirmation of everything that I was feeling showed up the darkest blue that second line could possibly be - I was pregnant.
How did I find myself in this predicament, didn't I know the risks in what I had been doing? The answer was simple, I was in love, and I didn't care about anything other than that at the time. There were no consequences in my mind, another persons life who didnt even exist at the time, who I was holding their fate. I was 19, in love with a boy, and wanted to express it and be as close as possible to him. It was selfish, but try explaining that to my 19 year old self.
I called my boyfriend immediately, over and over again at 4 am until he picked up. In a sleepy panicked slumber I hear "Is everything okay?" The only response I can muster to say is "No." "Whats wrong, whats going on?" "I'm pregnant."
I dont remember the rest of the conversation at all. I knew this was way worse news for him than it was for me. Afterall, he was LDS, his whole family was LDS, including all the siblings significant others, I was already a monkey wrench, and now this. I felt awful, I knew how much the church meant to him, and how his family would react to learning he was sexually active before marriage, let alone getting a girl pregnant. Talks were had, we both morally hated the idea of abortion, and it wasn't even an option in either of our minds. The only other two choices were keep the child, or give it up for adoption. We caught the information early enough, we could hide it from our families for a few weeks while we thought about what to do.
I remember one big conversation we had, we were sitting at a park inside a car for hours. We both werent ready for a kid, but we both loved eachother and thought maybe the responsible thing to do was just to become parents. But we were both honest with eachother in that moment, and there were a couple things that need to be shared, even though its hard to admit.
Jonathan would have been able to drop out of school and work two jobs the next day so we would start our life that way. However, he remembered his father rarely being home, and he never wanted to be that kind of dad.
I could have also dropped out of school and become a stay at home mom, with Jonathan working like that. However, I knew I would regret not finishing school, and end up resenting that I had to do that.
We had only been dating 4 months, and though we had no intention on leaving on another, it was scary to throw our relationship into something as life commiting as parenthood.
The worst thing we had to admit to ourselves that night was we were not the best choice for our soon to be child, and we wanted better for them. And trust me, it still hurts to know we were right. However, before you can see light, you have to surround yourself in darkness.
The decision was made, we were going to give our child up for adoption.
Friday, April 24, 2015
Catching up
If I actually have followers and this blog is hopefully helping others out...thank you for sticking with me and thank you for your patience. I try to keep up with my blog and think about it often....does that count? Wink wink
I have been thinking a lot about infertility lately and recently saw a news report on KSL in Utah with some amazing bloggers who also deal with infertility and adoption. The R House, a particular favorite of mine, was on this news report. Thank you to all the beautiful ladies and moms on there. One woman from www.countingblessingsnotsheep.blogspot.com said it perfectly when she said, "Just because we are mothers (through adoption, fertility treatments, modern medicine) doesn't mean the sting of infertility goes away"
Man I can agree with this whole heartedly. I am so very blessed to have my two beautiful littles, but I still yearn for the ability to carry a child, or I still struggle with our four year adoption silence. People ask me if we are done adopting.....um, no. We've just had so many near misses that it tends to slow the process quite a bit. If the Lord's plan for us is to have our two children and then focus our energies elsewhere, then I will thank him daily for my children and continue on....but I will always feel the sting of infertility and I will always want more littles. I pray that in the next life I will have the wonderful opportunity to be the mother I always thought I would be here....with many, many littles.
Now don't go thinking this is a pity post....its not, just sharing some thoughts I had. This blog is for those who may struggle with infertility, or even birth parents who need to hear other birth parents stories to help them through their decisions. I absolutely have the greatest admiration for birth parents. There is no greater love for a child than that of a Birthmother or birthfather that selflessly does what they feel is best for their little angels.
My Loving Heavenly Father gave me his Son, for my eternal happiness. I see the same love for my children and others adopted, from those who placed them in my arms and others arms.
I am excited to continue on this journey called life and do my little part to be a comfort to others. Thank you again for following and hopefully spreading the word.
Coming very soon...more thoughts from birthparents.
Sunday, March 29, 2015
"I have a speech to give"
Today I was enjoying a little "baby holding" time after sacrament meeting and asked my kids to go to their classes by themselves. As I headed to teach my class, I stopped by the primary room to check on the kids. Zander was sitting in the front as if he was ready to give a talk. I panicked a little, because I don't remember him being assigned to speak, so we weren't prepared. The primary president came up to me to tell me that Zander walked in to the primary room and said, "I have a speech to give today and I want to say what I have to say, not from a magazine (Friend)" I was a little nervous, I had no idea what he wanted to say. It turns out the little girl that was supposed to give the talk was sick and they needed someone to give a talk. Well, apparently Zander was ready to go.
I pulled him aside and asked him what he wanted to talk about...."electricity" he said. Well, good luck, I told the president. And I went on to my class.
I checked up on him after class and this is what I was told,
"Zander gave an amazing talk. He did a great job, said what he had to say, then sat down."
After church I asked Zander to give us his talk....and this is what he shared with us.
"I have some things to share with you, God gave us electricity. With electricity we can see things, like with a flashlight. If there is a dark hole, you can use the electricity to see down it"
Now, I am no doctrinal scholar, but if you were to really listen to what he was saying, was he not talking about The Light of Christ. What a great missionary he will be. So blessed to be able to have him call me mom, and that the Lord has trusted Carl and I to raise one of his choicest sons.
I pulled him aside and asked him what he wanted to talk about...."electricity" he said. Well, good luck, I told the president. And I went on to my class.
I checked up on him after class and this is what I was told,
"Zander gave an amazing talk. He did a great job, said what he had to say, then sat down."
After church I asked Zander to give us his talk....and this is what he shared with us.
"I have some things to share with you, God gave us electricity. With electricity we can see things, like with a flashlight. If there is a dark hole, you can use the electricity to see down it"
Now, I am no doctrinal scholar, but if you were to really listen to what he was saying, was he not talking about The Light of Christ. What a great missionary he will be. So blessed to be able to have him call me mom, and that the Lord has trusted Carl and I to raise one of his choicest sons.
Monday, October 13, 2014
Loved this. Great read
What LDS Families Involved in Adoption Wish You Knew
BRIANA STEWART - -6 MINUTES AGO
For those families involved in adoption, a little understanding goes a long way. Find out what you can do to help support these special families in and out of the Church.
Adoptive parent Terra Cooper embraces the birthmother of her child. Photo courtesy of Brittany Cascio
For Tarrin Philpott, years of diagnosed “unexplained infertility” led her and her husband, Tyrell, to adoption. And it was a shift in strategy and heart.
“Adoption is emotional,” Philpott says. “A big change has to take place. Instead of pregnancy and birth, your mindset changes from a child who shares your DNA to a child who comes in a way we had never previously considered. I had to let go of the family I had envisioned my whole life (a large family, children who looked like me) and accept the new vision for my family. I felt like Tyrell made the shift easily, but I was emotional about it. It was tough making choices about ethnicity and health in our adoption profile. We ultimately left many of those decisions to our Heavenly Father, knowing that we weren’t looking for any baby, we were looking for our baby—the baby meant for us. And He would help guide us to him or her.”
FEATURED SPONSOR
Heavenly Father did indeed guide two babies to the Philpotts through the miracle of adoption—McKinlee and Tatum. Since then, they’ve added twins to their family through the miracle of in vitro fertilization and a sweet baby girl who came by surprise naturally. Their unexplained infertility has led to inexplicable joy.
For members of the Church involved in adoption, like the Philpotts, sometimes misunderstandings arise that can be easily avoided if their fellow Church members knew more about their circumstances. For members of the Church involved in adoption, like the Philpotts, sometimes misunderstandings arise that can be easily avoided if their fellow Church members knew more about their circumstances, emotions, and sensitivities. Here are a few common questions and their answers that will help us all understand adoption a little better:
Q: Why do couples decide to adopt?
As with every important life decision, these couples turn to the Lord. They are prayerful in their decisions and do not make them lightly. Adoption is far from an “easy fix.” Many couples break their hearts and their bank accounts pursuing this option--but in the end, it's all worth it.
Sally Lee, who has worked as a counselor at LDS Family Services in Hawaii for 34 years, explains: “I have often heard adoptive couples express they could not love their adopted children more if they had been born to them biologically. Having that full heart to love unconditionally is most important.”
Q: How does adoption typically affect birthparents?
“In planning to place a child for adoption, birthparents usually go through a thorough self-assessment of their own lives and where they are,” Lee says. “They think deeply about what they want for their child. They realize many things about themselves, such as their readiness for responsibility, relationships, employment, and so forth. They become more prayerful than ever. They grow to feel a love stronger than they have ever known and are willing to sacrifice for the benefit of the child—even if it brings them grief and sadness. Their hearts expand in love for the child and the adoptive couple. Their sacrifice cannot be described in words. I know that the Lord will bless them for what they go through.”
Q: How does the adoption process typically affect adoptive couples?
“The adoptive couple gets to look deep into themselves as they are interviewed and share information about their marriage, finances, goals, experiences, feelings about a child not biologically related to them, etc.,” Lee says. “It makes them want to be even better as a couple and a family. They grow in love for the birthparents and the child, and their hearts are forever changed for good.”
Adoptive parent Terra Cooper embraces the birthmother of her child. Courtesy of Brittany Cascio
Q: What should I know about the recent changes to LDS Family Services?
Earlier this year, LDS Family Services announced that they will no longer be working as an official adoption agency, but instead will focus on family counseling.
“LDS Family Services is not ‘getting out of adoption,’” says David McConkie, group manager of Children’s Services at LDS Family Services in Salt Lake City. “Because LDS Family Services is an integral part of the Church’s Welfare Services program, we are able to provide services in a unique way. Unlike traditional adoption agencies, LDS Family Services provides free professional counseling to unmarried expectant parents and their families who are referred by their bishop, regardless of whether the parents choose to marry, be single parents, or place their child for adoption. We will help unmarried expectant parents with their individual mental health needs, whatever they may be.”
Read more about the changes--and what they mean for you and for those involved in LDS adoptions.
Q: What insensitive remarks about adoption should be avoided?
If you know someone who has been involved in an adoption, remember to be sensitive about what you say.
“The baby’s ‘real’ mom....” This implies the adoptive mom is not the baby’s true mother. The correct term is birthmother.
“She gave up her baby for adoption.” The term “gave up” has a negative connotation for something that is actually an act of love. Rather, say, “She placed her baby for adoption.”
“Good for you for adopting! I don’t think I could love someone else’s child as much as I love my own.” This implies the adopted child will not be their child or is harder to love. Just stop after saying "Good for you."
“How much did your baby cost?” They didn’t get the baby on Craigslist, for crying out loud. If you’re trying to learn about the financials of an adoption, simply ask couples, “How much does adoption generally cost?”
Learn more about positive adoption language on the Church's official adoption website,itsaboutlove.org.
Q: How can we, as a general culture, be more supportive of adoption?
“One couple I worked with—when they announced they were adopting—had some people say, ‘Oh, I’m so sorry!’” says Keven R. Downs, a licensed clinical social worker at Heritage School, a residential treatment center in Provo, Utah. “They were presumably apologizing for what they assumed were infertility problems, and onlookers were acting as if it’s a lesser thing to adopt. It’s not! Couples who adopt are just as excited as a couple giving birth to a child. And after hearing horror stories like this, it makes me think we don’t celebrate adoption enough. Let’s be more aware. Let’s celebrate with them!”
Learn more about adoption in Adoption: 20 Questions Asked and Answered, found in the September/October 2014 issue of LDS Living magazine.
You may also like:
Leave a Comment
Sunday, October 5, 2014
The Test Results
I had only a few friends left at this point in my life. My first group of friends weren't hanging around me anymore because I had changed my standards. My second group of friends weren't hanging around me anymore because they were his friends first, so when he dumped me, they dumped me too. There was one friend though that stayed my friend from the beginning . So, I went to her and told her the one thing that no 16 year old girl wants to say, “I think I am pregnant”. That night before the basketball game, we went to the dollar store to get a pregnancy test. I couldn’t bring myself to buy it. So, she grabbed the test and bought it for me. When we got to the basketball game, she stood outside the stall while I took the test.
When that positive line showed up, I had alot of mixed emotions. If this is real, everyone would find out what I had done. I will be judged, people will talk behind my back and most likely some will say things to my face. Everyone will be so disappointed in me. But, the good thing about it is this might bring he and I back together! Maybe we will still get married after all!
I went to the gym to watch the basketball game. I saw a friend of mine that was also a friend of his girlfriend. I knew if I told her what was going on, that word would get to him quickly. So, I told her. I told her that I was going to the crisis center in the morning to get a real pregnancy test.
When I got home that night, I asked my older brother to come talk to me, and I told him what was going on. He could not believe the words that were coming out of my mouth. When I told him about the outcome of the test, he began to cry. He hugged me tight and told me how much he loved me and will always love me no matter what happens. He then knelt down and began to pray. He prayed for God to be with me through this. He prayed that the test was wrong and that I could change my life around and not have to go through this, but that if it was right I could still have the spirit to guide me through this. After his prayer, we continued to talk and cry for awhile until we decided to finally go to sleep.
During school the next day, I left and went to the crisis center. My friend “S” came with me. The woman gave me the pee cup and once again, I went into the bathroom.
I don't know how long it actually took to get the result, but it felt like forever!
When the woman came back, she didn't tell me if the test was positive or negative. She simply said, "You have 3 options".
She then gave me my options: 1. Keep the baby 2. Adopt it out or 3. Abortion. She gave me some pamphlets and sent me on my way. What was I going to do?Thursday, September 4, 2014
Homestudy!
I came across this post from May 2008, after getting an email notifications of a new comment, I thought I would check it out....unfortunately the comment was "anonymous" and not even relevant to my family blog. But after reading the post I felt it was "repost" worthy for this blog. Hope you enjoy! If you've already read it....sorry!
May 2008
I am so much more layed back this time around with adoption. Whenever it happens is great and I am more patient about the wait...so far. Because of my lax attitude I have been thinking a lot about our "paper pregnancy" versus a "belly pregnancy". Let me just share with you a few of my thoughts...you have been warned. These thoughts are how I compare the two pregnancies, from my experience, which is only one-sided.
* When we fill out our paperwork and finally turn it into our caseworker...seeing that little blue line saying "pregnant" (you know, the little pee stick)
* Our first interview with the caseworker and agency...The first visit to the doctor's confirming the pregnancy.
* Preparing our profile; scrapbook pages, letter to the birthparents, and web profile...putting up the first ultrasound picture.
* Homestudy...decorating the nursery. (The homestudy is where our caseworker comes into our home to make sure our home is safe for a child; outlet covers, cupboard locks, fire extinquishers, smoke and CO2 alarms, safe neighborhood, age of roof, and where the new baby will be sleeping.
* Waiting for the background checks to come back from the state and FBI...getting bigger and not necessarily enjoying the body changes. (Don't know what that is like, but from what I hear)
* Food cravings...Food cravings
* Getting the letter that we are approved...Hearing the heartbeat, it's actually for real now.
* The wait...nausea, throwing up, peeing all day, uncomfortable sitting down, getting up, can't see my feet, wish I could still do situps, backaches; you get the idea.
* Hearing from our birthparents, waiting for baby to come...going into labor; some pain, short times of rest, then more pain, the blessed epidural.
* The birth of our baby...the birth of the baby.
Please remember, I have not ever been pregnant, and so my comparisons are from what I hear its like.
We had our homestudy today. Yeah! With our homestudy done, I am now about in my 5th or 6th month of pregnancy when my belly is growing, and I am not really liking the changes (although if I was blessed to carry my own child, I think I would love my belly). Waiting for the background checks is not one of my favorite parts of the "paper pregnancy"...but always worth it in the end.
May 2008
I am so much more layed back this time around with adoption. Whenever it happens is great and I am more patient about the wait...so far. Because of my lax attitude I have been thinking a lot about our "paper pregnancy" versus a "belly pregnancy". Let me just share with you a few of my thoughts...you have been warned. These thoughts are how I compare the two pregnancies, from my experience, which is only one-sided.
* When we fill out our paperwork and finally turn it into our caseworker...seeing that little blue line saying "pregnant" (you know, the little pee stick)
* Our first interview with the caseworker and agency...The first visit to the doctor's confirming the pregnancy.
* Preparing our profile; scrapbook pages, letter to the birthparents, and web profile...putting up the first ultrasound picture.
* Homestudy...decorating the nursery. (The homestudy is where our caseworker comes into our home to make sure our home is safe for a child; outlet covers, cupboard locks, fire extinquishers, smoke and CO2 alarms, safe neighborhood, age of roof, and where the new baby will be sleeping.
* Waiting for the background checks to come back from the state and FBI...getting bigger and not necessarily enjoying the body changes. (Don't know what that is like, but from what I hear)
* Food cravings...Food cravings
* Getting the letter that we are approved...Hearing the heartbeat, it's actually for real now.
* The wait...nausea, throwing up, peeing all day, uncomfortable sitting down, getting up, can't see my feet, wish I could still do situps, backaches; you get the idea.
* Hearing from our birthparents, waiting for baby to come...going into labor; some pain, short times of rest, then more pain, the blessed epidural.
* The birth of our baby...the birth of the baby.
Please remember, I have not ever been pregnant, and so my comparisons are from what I hear its like.
We had our homestudy today. Yeah! With our homestudy done, I am now about in my 5th or 6th month of pregnancy when my belly is growing, and I am not really liking the changes (although if I was blessed to carry my own child, I think I would love my belly). Waiting for the background checks is not one of my favorite parts of the "paper pregnancy"...but always worth it in the end.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)