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What LDS Families Involved in Adoption Wish You Knew

BRIANA STEWART - -6 MINUTES AGO

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For those families involved in adoption, a little understanding goes a long way. Find out what you can do to help support these special families in and out of the Church.

Adoptive parent Terra Cooper embraces the birthmother of her child. Photo courtesy of Brittany Cascio

For Tarrin Philpott, years of diagnosed “unexplained infertility” led her and her husband, Tyrell, to adoption. And it was a shift in strategy and heart.

“Adoption is emotional,” Philpott says. “A big change has to take place. Instead of pregnancy and birth, your mindset changes from a child who shares your DNA to a child who comes in a way we had never previously considered. I had to let go of the family I had envisioned my whole life (a large family, children who looked like me) and accept the new vision for my family. I felt like Tyrell made the shift easily, but I was emotional about it. It was tough making choices about ethnicity and health in our adoption profile. We ultimately left many of those decisions to our Heavenly Father, knowing that we weren’t looking for any baby, we were looking for our baby—the baby meant for us. And He would help guide us to him or her.”

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Heavenly Father did indeed guide two babies to the Philpotts through the miracle of adoption—McKinlee and Tatum. Since then, they’ve added twins to their family through the miracle of in vitro fertilization and a sweet baby girl who came by surprise naturally. Their unexplained infertility has led to inexplicable joy.

For members of the Church involved in adoption, like the Philpotts, sometimes misunderstandings arise that can be easily avoided if their fellow Church members knew more about their circumstances. For members of the Church involved in adoption, like the Philpotts, sometimes misunderstandings arise that can be easily avoided if their fellow Church members knew more about their circumstances, emotions, and sensitivities. Here are a few common questions and their answers that will help us all understand adoption a little better:

Q: Why do couples decide to adopt? 

As with every important life decision, these couples turn to the Lord. They are prayerful in their decisions and do not make them lightly. Adoption is far from an “easy fix.” Many couples break their hearts and their bank accounts pursuing this option--but in the end, it's all worth it. 

Sally Lee, who has worked as a counselor at LDS Family Services in Hawaii for 34 years, explains: “I have often heard adoptive couples express they could not love their adopted children more if they had been born to them biologically. Having that full heart to love unconditionally is most important.”

Q: How does adoption typically affect birthparents?

“In planning to place a child for adoption, birthparents usually go through a thorough self-assessment of their own lives and where they are,” Lee says. “They think deeply about what they want for their child. They realize many things about themselves, such as their readiness for responsibility, relationships, employment, and so forth. They become more prayerful than ever. They grow to feel a love stronger than they have ever known and are willing to sacrifice for the benefit of the child—even if it brings them grief and sadness. Their hearts expand in love for the child and the adoptive couple. Their sacrifice cannot be described in words. I know that the Lord will bless them for what they go through.”

Q: How does the adoption process typically affect adoptive couples? 

“The adoptive couple gets to look deep into themselves as they are interviewed and share information about their marriage, finances, goals, experiences, feelings about a child not biologically related to them, etc.,” Lee says. “It makes them want to be even better as a couple and a family. They grow in love for the birthparents and the child, and their hearts are forever changed for good.”

Adoptive parent Terra Cooper embraces the birthmother of her child. Courtesy of Brittany Cascio

Q: What should I know about the recent changes to LDS Family Services?

Earlier this year, LDS Family Services announced that they will no longer be working as an official adoption agency, but instead will focus on family counseling.

“LDS Family Services is not ‘getting out of adoption,’” says David McConkie, group manager of Children’s Services at LDS Family Services in Salt Lake City. “Because LDS Family Services is an integral part of the Church’s Welfare Services program, we are able to provide services in a unique way. Unlike traditional adoption agencies, LDS Family Services provides free professional counseling to unmarried expectant parents and their families who are referred by their bishop, regardless of whether the parents choose to marry, be single parents, or place their child for adoption. We will help unmarried expectant parents with their individual mental health needs, whatever they may be.”

Read more about the changes--and what they mean for you and for those involved in LDS adoptions.

Q: What insensitive remarks about adoption should be avoided? 

If you know someone who has been involved in an adoption, remember to be sensitive about what you say.

“The baby’s ‘real’ mom....” This implies the adoptive mom is not the baby’s true mother. The correct term is birthmother.

“She gave up her baby for adoption.” The term “gave up” has a negative connotation for something that is actually an act of love. Rather, say, “She placed her baby for adoption.”

“Good for you for adopting! I don’t think I could love someone else’s child as much as I love my own.” This implies the adopted child will not be their child or is harder to love. Just stop after saying "Good for you."

“How much did your baby cost?” They didn’t get the baby on Craigslist, for crying out loud. If you’re trying to learn about the financials of an adoption, simply ask couples, “How much does adoption generally cost?”

Learn more about positive adoption language on the Church's official adoption website,itsaboutlove.org.

Q: How can we, as a general culture, be more supportive of adoption? 

“One couple I worked with—when they announced they were adopting—had some people say, ‘Oh, I’m so sorry!’” says Keven R. Downs, a licensed clinical social worker at Heritage School, a residential treatment center in Provo, Utah. “They were presumably apologizing for what they assumed were infertility problems, and onlookers were acting as if it’s a lesser thing to adopt. It’s not! Couples who adopt are just as excited as a couple giving birth to a child. And after hearing horror stories like this, it makes me think we don’t celebrate adoption enough. Let’s be more aware. Let’s celebrate with them!”

Learn more about adoption in Adoption: 20 Questions Asked and Answered, found in the September/October 2014 issue of LDS Living magazine.

Tags: Parenting, Children, Adoption, Family, Lifestyle, Parenthood, Parents, family, parenting

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The Test Results

I had only a few friends left at this point in my life. My first group of friends weren't hanging around me anymore because I had changed my standards. My second group of friends weren't hanging around me anymore because they were his friends first, so when he dumped me, they dumped me too. There was one friend though that stayed my friend from the beginning . So, I went to her and told her the one thing that no 16 year old girl wants to say, “I think I am pregnant”. That night before the basketball game, we went to the dollar store to get a pregnancy test. I couldn’t bring myself to buy it. So, she grabbed the test and bought it for me. When we got to the basketball game, she stood outside the stall while I took the test.

When that positive line showed up, I had alot of mixed emotions. If this is real, everyone would find out what I had done. I will be judged, people will talk behind my back and most likely some will say things to my face. Everyone will be so disappointed in me. But, the good thing about it is this might bring he and I back together! Maybe we will still get married after all!

I went to the gym to watch the basketball game. I saw a friend of mine that was also a friend of his girlfriend. I knew if I told her what was going on, that word would get to him quickly. So, I told her. I told her that I was going to the crisis center in the morning to get a real pregnancy test.

When I got home that night, I asked my older brother to come talk to me, and I told him what was going on. He could not believe the words that were coming out of my mouth. When I told him about the outcome of the test, he began to cry. He hugged me tight and told me how much he loved me and will always love me no matter what happens. He then knelt down and began to pray. He prayed for God to be with me through this. He prayed that the test was wrong and that I could change my life around and not have to go through this, but that if it was right I could still have the spirit to guide me through this. After his prayer, we continued to talk and cry for awhile until we decided to finally go to sleep.

During school the next day, I left and went to the crisis center. My friend “S” came with me. The woman gave me the pee cup and once again, I went into the bathroom.

I don't know how long it actually took to get the result, but it felt like forever!

When the woman came back, she didn't tell me if the test was positive or negative. She simply said, "You have 3 options".  

She then gave me my options: 1. Keep the baby 2. Adopt it out or 3. Abortion. She gave me some pamphlets and sent me on my way. What was I going to do?

Homestudy!

I came across this post from May 2008, after getting an email notifications of a new comment, I thought I would check it out....unfortunately the comment was "anonymous" and not even relevant to my family blog.  But after reading the post I felt it was "repost" worthy for this blog.  Hope you enjoy!  If you've already read it....sorry!

May 2008

I am so much more layed back this time around with adoption. Whenever it happens is great and I am more patient about the wait...so far. Because of my lax attitude I have been thinking a lot about our "paper pregnancy" versus a "belly pregnancy". Let me just share with you a few of my thoughts...you have been warned. These thoughts are how I compare the two pregnancies, from my experience, which is only one-sided.

* When we fill out our paperwork and finally turn it into our caseworker...seeing that little blue line saying "pregnant" (you know, the little pee stick)

* Our first interview with the caseworker and agency...The first visit to the doctor's confirming the pregnancy.

* Preparing our profile; scrapbook pages, letter to the birthparents, and web profile...putting up the first ultrasound picture.

* Homestudy...decorating the nursery. (The homestudy is where our caseworker comes into our home to make sure our home is safe for a child; outlet covers, cupboard locks, fire extinquishers, smoke and CO2 alarms, safe neighborhood, age of roof, and where the new baby will be sleeping.

* Waiting for the background checks to come back from the state and FBI...getting bigger and not necessarily enjoying the body changes. (Don't know what that is like, but from what I hear)

* Food cravings...Food cravings

* Getting the letter that we are approved...Hearing the heartbeat, it's actually for real now.

* The wait...nausea, throwing up, peeing all day, uncomfortable sitting down, getting up, can't see my feet, wish I could still do situps, backaches; you get the idea.

* Hearing from our birthparents, waiting for baby to come...going into labor; some pain, short times of rest, then more pain, the blessed epidural.

* The birth of our baby...the birth of the baby.

Please remember, I have not ever been pregnant, and so my comparisons are from what I hear its like.
We had our homestudy today. Yeah! With our homestudy done, I am now about in my 5th or 6th month of pregnancy when my belly is growing, and I am not really liking the changes (although if I was blessed to carry my own child, I think I would love my belly). Waiting for the background checks is not one of my favorite parts of the "paper pregnancy"...but always worth it in the end.

Part 2 of Jericas story

As we continued dating, I continued changing. Soon, he became the only thing that was important to me. I lost some of my friends because all I cared about was him. We dated for almost 2 years, even though I wasn’t allowed to have a boyfriend. My parents knew that we liked each other but they didn’t know we were exclusive. He would come over to my house a few times a week so that I could help him with his math homework. We went to lunch together almost every day at school. We would meet up at school events, such as basketball games. And when I finally turned 16, he took me on my 2nd date (my dad took me on my first). We went to homecoming together my Junior year. Everything was going great with us. We were in love. This was the boy that I was going to spend the rest of my life with. When our relationship got to this serious of a level, things started happening. I won't go into details, but things that should be saved until marriage. Yes, I felt bad about what was going on, but I knew I would marry him so I began to justify my actions. I knew I would have to repent if we wanted to get married in the temple, but I decided to let “Future Jerica” worry about that. But since I knew what I was doing was wrong, I starting avoiding things that once made me feel happy and feel the spirit, such as temple baptisms. I would be sick that day or I would have another important thing come up so that I didn't have to tell anyone what was going on. I also quit taking the sacrament. This one was harder to hide from my parents, but I did. They never noticed that I wasn't taking it. I would walk out to go to the bathroom or I would pretend like I was taking it when I really wasn't. I did not want my parents to ever find out what was going on. They would be so disappointed in me.

In September, 2005, I was so excited because I bought him and I tickets to the Dierks Bentley concert at the fair. I bought the tickets far in advance and bought the Dierks Bentley CD so that we could listen to his songs to get ready for the concert. When the day of the concert came, he suddenly couldn’t go anymore and told me to take someone else. He wouldn’t say why. I was a 16-year-old emotional teennager, so of course, I cried through every love song at the concert. I soon found out the reason he didn’t go is because he was hanging out with another girl. Within a few days, I got dumped and they started dating. I was devastated. I was in love with this boy and he was my whole life. Now I have to see him with her every single day at school. I guess I didn’t really blame him though, because she was beautiful and skinny and always wore really cute clothes. I just wasn’t good enough I guess.

I kept trying to win him back, but I finally gave up after a few weeks when one of his friends yelled at me in front of my entire class and told me to leave him alone. He said how pathetic I look for trying so hard. I ran out of class crying. I still wanted him back, but I decided to try to get over him and to quit making myself look like a fool.

A few weeks went by and I realized that it was that time of the month, and I was late….

It appears that I never really finished Zander's story...which led me to re-read my blog....where I learned that I never really finished Kya's adoption story.  I began the blog and posted "My complete story"...so NOT the complete story.

I left off with a promise to talk more about open adoption and our experience.  A little summary before I continue the story. Carl and I had already met another Birthmother that chose us to be the parents of her baby on the spot while having an ice cream meet and greet with her. It breaks my heart to think that I would have turned down ANY baby that would give me the opportunity to be their mother, but when The Lord has a plan for you and confirms it in your heart...you listen.  We prayed and fasted to know what to do next. Thankfully we didn't have to wait too long for the Lord's plan to come to fruition.  The very next week is when Jerica called. I was working as a night nurse at the time and we had put my husbands phone number as the contact number. It was too difficult for me to have my phone in my possession and be "waiting" for that call EVERYDAY. Waiting is a whole new ball game that I can only try to compare to as a "pregnancy" with an unknown due date...not easy. After a long night shift I went to bed around 6 am. When I woke up at 11 am there was VM on my phone. My husbands calm and soothing voice said, "Call me when you wake, it's important". I remember distinctly the words he said to me when I called him immediately. He said, "A birth mom has called this morning and she sounds like the one. She seems to have a head on her shoulders and very mature. She wants to meet with us soon because she is due next week". WHAT?

I was scheduled to work that night with one of my little precious pediatric patients but I knew we needed to make a trip that night to meet Jerica. It was a Friday and I knew we wouldn't be able to get our case worker to make a two hour drive to meet Jerica with us. So, we went on our own.

As we got closer to Jerica's home my nerves were rattling. Would this be it, would this be the day that we find out our family begins?  We came to the end if their lane and there was a beautiful house on the corner....not theirs...then we passed another house...not theirs...the nerves on edge now with anticipation. Finally the house at the end of the LONG (what seemed like too long) lane.

Carl grabbed my hand and we walked to the front door.  I honesty don't remember who answered the door but I do remember when Jerica walked into the living room from being downstairs. She was a beautiful and so young girl. Her belly was large and all it was all I could do to not hug her and want to rub her belly. I refrained. It was so comfortable to sit there in her families living room and chat with them all. We met her parents, three brothers and little sister who was a year younger than my daughter is now. Her older brother was there and very involved in the conversation.  Carl asked him how he felt about all this...the pregnancy am the potential plan for adoption. It was just like chatting with family, of course I was secretly dying inside, I just wanted to hold Jerica and tell her how much I loved her right then...again I refrained. She hadn't chosen us yet. Remember I am not a patient woman.

The year prior to this meeting, while in the "waiting" process...I had heard of others' adoption stories and how they were so unique and personal to them, I just prayed and prayed that we would be blessed with an adoption that was so personal for me and unique. Silly I know, but that is what what important to me.

As I mentioned in the original post...Jerica's mom so gently and lovingly patted Jerica's belly (my now little Kya) and said, "this little baby was grown in Hawaii". I don't know if my jaw dropped but I  was in complete shock and wanted to jump up and do a cartwheel right then and there.  As an Army Brat growing up, my family moved around a lot and traveled the globe.  I was my parents little Hawaiian souvenir.  That was my confirmation.  My prayers were answered. At that moment I knew I was going to be a mother.

I want to share more but dinner and life are calling. I feel as though this blog is coming into it time.  My intentions were good before, but there is a time and a season for all things.  Now is the time and this blog and it's stories will be more detailed and more heart and soul will go into each post. As mentioned so many times before...adoption is my life and I cherish my children's stories. It is not difficult for me to share their stories, but they are very personal to me and near to my heart. With that in mind...so are the posts that come from our birth families.  I feel as though a lot of how and what we write is therapeutic for us.

There is so much more to tell...until next time.  Not far away...this is our season.

Thoughts of being an adoptive mother

As you know...my life changed drastically in October 2005 from "what I thought becoming a mother was supposed to be like". I only thought this way because that is how I was raised and fashioned to think...get married, get pregnant, become a mother....right.  Well that is not always the way and on my journey I have learned many ways of becoming a mother...the so-called non-"traditional" ways.

As an adoptive mother I have learned many things, which I want to share with you.  During the "waiting" period (a very difficult time in the process) I learned that waiting to be an adoptive mom is where you learn to have patience...this doesn't mean I have completely succeeded in having patience but I have a greater understanding of what patience means. From my experience patience is not knowing the end result and enjoying the journey along the way. Knowing that tomorrow brings more uncertainty....more unsure feelings of whether or not I would be a mother and if so when would that be. Patience is not only understanding that that uncertainty is inevitable, but you learn to be positive and have a good attitude about it.  Patience is living each day as you did the day before (only with a little more color...gotta keep life exciting somehow) but be progressing in something. Standing still and "waiting" for life to come to you will keeping in the same spot you were at the day before. I believe in moving forward each moment in life. I am certainly NOT an expert on patience and now that I am a mother my patience is tried everyday....but it's a learning process I am striving to succeed if not perfect.

Then once I became a mother...being an adoptive mother taught me a whole new meaning. There is a saying I heard that sums it up beautifully. "From Gods arms, to her arms, to mine".   I edited it a bit for the purpose of personalizing it. Even if I were to have had the opportunity to carry my children in my own belly and bore them biologically...these children are still on loan from God. He has just entrusted me the opportunity to raise them on earth in hopes to return them to him someday in Heaven. As an adoptive mother, you add in another mother to the mix. Every adoption relationship will be different and personal to all parties involved, and our experience has been more rare than most...which is why we (Jerica and I) share it. Not only do we have another mother in the mix...but grandmothers, grandfathers, aunts, uncles and so forth....in addition to my immediate family as well as my husbands immediate family. What does this mean?  Does everyone raise my children....does everyone have a say into how their lives turn out...does everyone KNOW my children.  In our case...yes...and we LOVE it. They say it takes a village to raise children, why not have that village consist of biological and adoptive families. Again, this may not be the best situation for all adoption cases, and certainly in our case as with all others (should be), the best interest of our children is number one priority. We truly have been blessed with our village of people.  We have had conversations with family about how great a village it would be in Heaven to have our mansions of all seven of our families be on the same street or cul-de-sac. What a beautiful eternal perspective.

As a mother, each personality trait and behavior my children possess tell a story or shine a light on something new. As an adoptive mother, when my child acts out or behaves a certain way, the thought will always run through my mind..."nature vs. nurture". It's become a joke in our family...who gets to claim responsibility for their BEST behaviors.  As my children grow older their birth parents come out more and more. Naturally as their earthly/adoptive mother I hold tight to as many behaviors as possible with the hope that I am nurturing them to the best of my ability or the way God would want me to raise them. Everytime my son laughs...I see his birth mom or see his creativity. I just see my daughter's Birthmother everytime I look at her or watch her love animals. My son tells a joke and his skin turns golden brown in the sun and his birth father shines through. Each time my daughter's athletic abilities develop and we see she does have coordination, her birth father is there. There are so many things I could go on and on about when it comes to the resemblances they have to their loving birth parents.  I love my children and count my blessings each time I hold them when they're sick or hurt, and each tear I dry, each accomplishment they have and each memory we make...and my blessings start with 1, 2, 3, 4...Jeff, Jerica, Jon and Tess.  Of course my loving Heavenly Father that has placed my children in our plan and all that they come with.

Being an adoptive mom doesn't make me any different as a mother with respect to raising children in this complicated world...it just gives me a unique perspective to mothering. And I LOVE it.

I love sharing my children with their birth parents. They are mine, but I wouldn't have these amazing children without their birth parent's unconditional love for them.

Mother's Day

Happy Mother’s Day to all the amazing mothers and grandmothers, and birthmothers.  Today is a day to reflect on the blessing that children are in our lives.  I have just a few thoughts for the day and since this blog is due for a new post, here goes.  I am so grateful for the opportunity to be a mother.  All I ever wanted was to be a mother.  The story goes back many years….

When I was a teenager I remember watching the movie “Saturday’s Warrior”.  Many of you may remember that movie as well, an 80’s iconic family movie for youth…in my day…

If you haven’t seen it or don’t remember, let me catch you up. There is a girl, main character, named Pam.  She is a twin and one of the eldest in a family of eight children (more than 2 nowadays is a lot to some…I would have been great with 20 kids).  Early in the movie there is a scene where she is in heaven dancing and she says, “As long as I can dance my way through life, well that’s all that matters”.  Then she is born and on earth she is paralyzed from her waste down and confined to a wheelchair.  After watching that part I had a very distinct thought, that I was once in heaven saying, “As long as I can be a mother then that is all that matters”, but that I would not be able to have children while on earth.  All this while I was a teenager, I wasn’t even thinking about marriage or family at the time, but had that fear. 

As I am reflecting on our adoption story I am thanking my Father in Heaven to be able to celebrate this Mother’s Day, I recall many times when the question, “Why am I facing this trial, with the one thing I wanted is the one thing I have struggled with, and why when having children is such a righteous desire would I not be able to have children?”  Then the experience I had as a teen, with that movie comes to my mind.  And even though I still don’t know the complete answer to “why”, I know He was preparing me to be able to accept this trial.  Tender Mercies. 

I love Mother’s Day, I couldn’t wait to be able to celebrate a Mother’s Day (with children) and now I have celebrated my 7^th one…I look forward to always celebrating Mother’s Day because it reminds me that I am a Mom and that is a blessing I will always cherish, no matter how hard the job, I am so grateful for it. 

Final thank you to my amazing husband and beautiful children for this day and of course my Loving Father in Heaven and my Savior.

Introducing Jerica

I am so excited about this week's entry and it is my extreme pleasure to introduce my first sissy from another missy...Jerica. Jerica is Kya's birth mother. I have told Kya's story HERE but now the story will be told from Jerica's perspective in her words. We love our birth moms sooooo much, words cannot express how I feel about sharing this blog with them. And heeeeeerrrrrreeees Jerica....

When Paula asked me to co-author this blog and tell my story, I was really excited about it. I have always wanted to help someone if I could, and I thought this would be a great way.

BUT… as I started thinking about what I would write, a lot of feelings came up that I have buried deep inside for almost 8 years now. It’s almost as if I am pregnant with Kya again because of how intense my feelings are and how vividly I can remember the situations. So, hopefully my story can help someone, but I am really hoping that by writing this down and re-living this I can actually help myself.

I guess every story starts at the beginning… so here we go!

Let me introduce myself: My name is Molly. Actually, it is Jerica, but Molly was a nickname I received my freshman year of High School. It is short for “Molly Mormon”. I was the epitome of Molly Mormon. I didn’t drink caffeine, I didn’t watch pg-13 movies, I had never said a swear word in my life (and if you swore around me I would let you know that I didn’t appreciate it). So yes, I was a little bit extreme. Which, I was proud of! I was proud that people knew my standards. My clothing was very modest; not tight, high neck, shorts to my knees. I read and prayed daily, went to church weekly, and attended seminary. I had never drank or done drugs, and because people knew how firm I was about my religion, they never offered them to me. I had plenty of friends who all shared my same values. I didn’t care about being the most popular or the hottest girl in school. I was content with living my life the way it was.

Then there was this boy…

He was new in school and he was “hot”! He played football, he was buff, he was nice and he was one of the “popular guys”. It didn’t take him long to get a girlfriend. He dated the really pretty girls who were also “popular”. I never, in a million years, thought he would go for me. So, I didn’t go out of my way to get his attention. I just admired from a distance.

One day in Driver’s Ed class, there was a new seating chart. And I was excited to see that he and I sat right next to each other! I was nervous and shy as we slowly started to get to know each other. Not only was this boy handsome, but he was charming and funny! This came to be my favorite class of the day, and he was the reason.

One day, he grabbed my Driver’s Ed booklet and wrote “Jerica is hott” on the front cover. I was a 14-year-old silly girl, so of course I freaked out. I showed all my friends and couldn’t stop looking at it. How could he be attracted to me? I was plain. I did the same hair-do every day, the way I dressed wasn’t at all sexy, and the only make-up I wore was mascara!

But for some reason, he asked me to be his girlfriend.

As we got to know and like each other more, I found myself changing.

My clothes started getting tighter and lower (which my dad was not happy about). The boy wasn’t asking me to change my appearance, I was doing it because I wanted him to stay with me. I have never had that great of self-esteem, so I still wondered why he would choose me. I thought that if I dressed more desirable, it would make him like me more. For some reason I became embarrassed to be such a “goody-goody” instead of being proud of it. I started changing the little things, such as drinking caffeine. Later, I decided to go to an R-rated movie with him so he would think I was cool. I felt so guilty though that I made myself fall asleep at the beginning of the movie. My parents didn’t know that I went to the movie, and that is definitely one of my first mistakes: hiding things from my parents. My relationship with my parents had always been really good and I didn’t want to mess it up. So I figured what they don’t know won’t hurt.

I would eventually find out that I was very wrong...

"Family is a Treasure in Heaven"

Had a great time this weekend spent with family. The kids and I went to Utah to stay with one of my five sisters and her kids. Her children are each just 6 months younger than mine...with one additional little sweet guy in hers. So naturally instant friendships are made, right?  There was plenty of jumping on the trampoline, playing zoo (my kids are amazing animals impersonators), played "buy a pet" (according to my 5 year old Zander), barn....clearly there is a animal theme ensuing. Among many other games that he is now telling me about. I love their creativity.

We also had the opportunity to watch and listen to the leaders of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter. Day Saints. I am proud to be a member of. I love our prophet Pres. Thomas S. Monson and the many other auxiliary leaders. What an awesome weekend. There were so many talks and words of inspiration. Sometimes I feel that I fight a battle everyday. Everyday I wake up and put on my armor, just to get through the day to day things, let alone standing for truth and righteousness. Conference weekend in April and October are great for a boost and rejuvenation of spirit and strength for the said "day to day".

Pres. Monson said some beautiful things regarding love for all people. To reach out to others within our faith and not in our faith. More on this topic in the next blog entry. But one of the other talks that I really enjoyed was when I heard this..."Families are the Treasure of Heaven"by  Elder Neil L. Anderson.  It made me think of a very special weekend in our family's life.  By family I don't only refer to me, my hubby and two kiddos....I extend the term family to many others. 

 

(This picture is not even close to the numbers in our family)

The weekend of August 1st-2nd of 2009, we were so blessed to seal our little Zander to our forever family in the Twin Falls Idaho Temple.  Naturally the temple experience was beautiful and very sacred, but I want to share with you the experience after and the following day when blessed Zander.

I want to share first the family members that joined us that weekend.  My parents and five of my six siblings and my grandparents (grandpa performed the sealing), Carl's parents, grandparents and siblings, some aunts and uncles as well, we had Kya's birthmother's family including great grandparents, grandparents, birthmother and husband and siblings, Kya's birthfather, including his grandparents, parents, step-parents, birthfather and wife and son.  In addition to that crowd, there was also Zander's birthparents as well.  We had all seven families that we call FAMILY represented by at least one family member (and many more in some cases). 

We had a lovely potluck luncheon at a park following the sealing on Saturday.  The following sunday when we blessed Zander in church, we had another family gathering ie: luncheon (food is always involved right?).  We also shared this special day with Kya's 3rd birthday party.  My parents graciously hosted the event in their home.  I thank them everyday in my heart for their willingness and hospitality.  It can't be easy to have nearly 50 people in your home at one time.  50 might be a stretch, but there were a lot there.  We had yummy food, presents for Kya, friendships were made and memories engraved in the hearts of many.  Kya's birthmother introduced her husband to Kya's birthfather and in return he (birthfather) shared his new little son to us all.  All of Kya's birthfather's parents and step-parents joined us as well.  Zander's birthparents (engaged to be married at the time) were there and shared their love with us.  The opportunity for "awkward" was definitely presented, but that is not at all how it felt.  When the majority of the crowd went on with their lives and left the festivities, I remember sitting down with my little family and just thinking...WOW, that was fun!

For Carl and I, it only felt natural that everyone be invited to this grand event.  I do know that there were some reservations from many of the different family members.  A little concern for the how everyone would be welcomed or accepted into our family.  I honestly didn't think there would be a problem, because after all, they ALL are family to us.  With some apprehension and reserve in the hearts of some, the weekend went beautifully.  Everyone got along, everyone was kind and the feeling that I felt having everyone there was comforting.  I have always felt that without all these amazing people, I would not be a mother.  For most, this concept of "open adoption" includes contact and pictures occasionally from adopting parents.  Open adoption to us means, open communication with all involved, family gatherings, family reunions, vacation, important events and even babysitting for us, from birth-families included.  I am proud to claim that my children have 7 sets of grandparents.  We love them all.  My children affectionately have names from each grandma, which helps them remember which grandma is which.  We have a grandma that fishes and has bunnies, we have a grandma that loves Hawaii and a couple art grandmas including "decorations and snacks and painting".  We have an Abuela and even a star wars grandma.  Sadly we have a few grandmas that we don't see as often due to distance.  (all grandpas come with the grandmas, so we never forget them)

Without all these amazing people, can we call ourselves family?  Not to mention all the greats (great-grandparents) and outstanding aunts and uncles that come with the package.  It takes a village to raise children, but in our family....these families make up our village. 

I recently found out while sharing a special moment with some of my sisters, that this amazing weekend of Zander's sealing and blessing, was an eye opener to many of the family members there.  I cannot express their feelings properly as they are not my own, but would gladly share their thoughts if they wanted to.  I do know that the idea of "family" was viewed a little differently after then. 

I am so grateful for my Heavenly Father's plan for me and my family.  We are blessed to be together forever and to have so many that love my children, makes this mommy and happy one as well as very much at peace with the well being of my children.  In another conversation with a birth-family member, we played with the idea of having seven different cul-de-sac neighborhoods that neighbored one another with our mansions in Heaven.  How great to be able to have two beautiful children bring so many families together.  I cannot express how blessed I am to be a part of this great plan He has provided.  I cannot express my love for so many people and love and gratitude for my Savior to allow this experience in my life, here on earth. 

(Jon, Zander, Tess, Morgan, Jerica, Kya, Jeff, Alicia, Oakley)

TOFW 2014

Here I am, said I would keep updated on this blog.  Baby steps...probably gonna be once a week until I get back into the swing of things.  After much thought of how to approach this blog, I feel I am going to continue with adoption stories and snippits of other's stories, while also adding more fun stuff like insight and inspiration that I may have had or from others that I feel I wanna share or you wanna hear...

The drive was kinda long, but thoughts were racing through my mind as I had my music blaring, with Idina voice filling the car.  I enjoyed the ride, all by myself, alone with my thoughts and I definitely found inspiration in the moments.  Having just spent an amazing weekend with Kya's birthmother (whom I will refer to as "sissy from anotha missy", affectionately, from now on), and her mother, and grandmother, and sister-in-law, and aunts, friends, etc.  Great company to be with while sitting in an auditorium bursting with enthusiastic women, on the edge of their seats, thirsting for inspiration, motivation....whatever...I know I was looking for something.  I found it and loved it.  Tune in next week

She Lives....

Wow, so I post 2 years ago and then nothin'....what a great blogger I am.  However, this blog has been through some CPR and will live again.  Gonna be makin some changes, ie, blog address, but will give you plenty of notice when that happens.  Also gonna be adding an author. 
Had some inspiration and insight this weekend that has opened my heart to new ideas and an new approach to this blog...please continue to visit...and I promise to continue to write.  You will want to meet who my coauthor is.