My complete story

I haven't had any stories passed on to me yet, and as I was re-reading my first post, I realized how cold that felt reading it. So here I am...telling the whole story of our First Miracle.
As I had mentioned, after one year of trying and no pregnancy, I went right to the doctor to find out what was wrong. I am not a patient woman, and I knew something was wrong.

A little history...as a teenager I had a strong impression that, even though I really wasn't thinking about a family, I felt that having children would be a challenge for me. Confirmation! I didn't have any significant illnesses (at the time) and I didn't have any reason to think this, I just knew it...children are the one thing in life that I knew I wanted more than anything, so I knew it would be the one thing that I wouldn't be able to have, or that it would be difficult to get.

Ok, so now that I just knew something was wrong, I told the doctor, "there has got to be something wrong, I am not pregnant, and I want to be". We didn't even go to clomid, I didn't want to waste time, I want to know the "why nots". A few in office tests which were unsuccessful and then one laparascopic, endoscopic surgery later...no reason to believe I shouldn't be able to get pregnant.

Another little bit of history, I have interstitial cystitis and vulvar vestibulitis, which I didn't find all this out until after being married. All issues dealing with my "female area". So for sure there has to be something causing me to not have children.

So then the doctors suggested we check my husband...several, painful, test later we find out that he has no sperm and no explanation of "why not". I remember sitting in the doctors office when he said, "I just don't see it possible for you to father your own children"... my heart broke. And then my husband's heart broke, because he knew that that was the one thing I wanted, and he couldn't provide that.

October 2005 we put our paperwork in for adoption and started the process. I am a huge advocate for adoption, before and now. I will always fight for adoption and the awesome experience it is. I remember thinking and discussing with my husband the process...I will tell you that if the FBI, State authorities, Church authorities and everyother background check persons don't find us fit to be parents, then I don't know who will. Athough a long and grueling process of interviews, paperwork and classes, that adoption is...WELL WORTH IT in the END.

July 2006 we had been emailing a birthmother who wanted to meet us. We were thrilled, but somehow a little skeptical about it. She wanted to meet us on a Friday night about one hour from where we lived near her house. Well, we called our caseworker and we were told that if we felt comfortable we could go alone. We met her and took her out for ice cream and talked and laughed and cried. She reached accross the table, took my hands and said, "I want you to be the parents of my child". I was stunned, and speechless. My husband and I left to go home after dropping her off at her home, and spent the hour drive perplexed. Confirmation! I look at him and said, "Are you excited?" and we both kind of shrugged our shoulders. Why were we not thrilled, 'on cloud nine', 'in seventh heaven'...you get the idea. We just weren't. We went home an prayed about it and felt that we would move forward with this birthmother, but ask the Lord that if she wasn't our birthmother, please send us ours soon.

The next friday we got "The Call". A young girl called and said, "I am 16, pregnant and due in a week". WOW. We dropped everything and drove 2 hours to meet her and her family. It was very warm and comfortable to sit there in her home with her siblings and parents. Kind of like a job interview, the most important job we will ever have.

Our birthmother's mom touched her daughter's belly and said, "This baby was grown in Hawaii" (they lived in Hawaii during her pregnancy). My mouth dropped and my heart started to pound, loud and fast. I was born in Hawaii and that has always meant something special to me. I remember thinking to myself, 'if that is not my child, I don't know who is'. Confirmation!

We had toyed with the idea of "open adoption", but we were not sold on it. Until that night we looked at each other and my husband said, "if she chooses us, we have to be open with them". Confirmation!

Needless to say, she chose us to be the most blessed parents ever of her little girl. Our little angel is 2 now and the most amazing child ever...a little biased, I am her mother.

I have many other stories and things to share about open adoption, but I will save that for another post. Again, another blessing in our life.