Finally...Zander's story

Well, it only took me a year or more to get back to this story. Again and apology to those who had been following, and probably have lost interest due to my neglect...so I am sure that the last part of this story is just for my benefit of journaling. But better late than never, right?

So after we got the call that a birthmother had chosen us...it was difficult to believe it since we hadn't been contacted personally by anyone. This was on a thursday. We left town the next day to spend the weekend with Carl's parents and while gone we recieved an email from Zander's birthparents. It was a fabulous email, they told us all about themselves, sent pictures and even told a little about how they came about to choose us.

A few months prior after we had moved and somewhat settled down (at least in my parents house while we remodeled our home) I was sleeping one night until around 2 am our daughter woke me up to potty. When I went back to bed, I lay there awake thinking about the blog that I had been neglecting (sounds like a horrible pattern) and I wasn't able to go back to sleep, it was weighing on me. So, at 3:00 am I got up, went to my computer and posted an update, clearly stating that we were busy, but I felt it was important to post something. This was on a Wednesday evening, the very Wednesday evening before we got the call from Zander's birthparents on Thursday.

In the email we received Zander's birthmother stated that she was having a difficult time choosing and had a few couples in mind. She had been following our blog and was disappointed that I hadn't been keeping up on it. She wanted to learn more about us and get to know us more, but we hadn't updated in a few months. She finally prayed and asked for some answer as to who should be Zander's parents, she asked that we post on our blog...her prayer was on Wednesday.

She said her prayers were answered when she got onto the blog and we had posted...she knew we were Zander's parents.

She was only about 14 weeks pregnant and wanted to get to know his parents and develop a relationship with us well before the birth. We met them in person two months later when they came to Idaho and stayed with us for a weekend. After we continued to email and call as much as possible. In December of 2008 I flew to Denver to spend a weekend with Zander's birthparents one last time before he was born. She wanted a little more one on one time with me.

It was a difficult road during her pregnancy; emotions ran high, things were said that I am sure we all wish we could take back, but in the process, we also developed a relationship of honesty, trust and respect. I value our open communication, it has served us all well these past almost two years.

Her due date was nearing and I told her that when she got to 4 centimeters, to call me and I would pack up and head to Denver. She had a doctor's appointment a week before she was due and called me, reporting that she was not in labor, but at 4 centimeters. This was Monday the 26th of January. I packed up, called my husband and said, "I am leaving for Denver tonight, are you able to come or should we fly you out later". He decided he would come too and so we packed up the family, taking Kya with us and we left. We stopped to stay with Carl's parents for the night and then drove the next day all day to Denver, arriving around 3:00 pm that afternoon.

I called Tess to let her know we had arrived, but she wasn't feeling well and told us to give her some time to feel better before seeing her. So we drove to our friends house to wait.

Two hours later, she called and said she was heading to the hospital. We met her there and she was admitted and we were all ready for baby #2 to arrive....the rest of the story is for another blog and another day.

An Apology

For those who have followed this blog in the past and then sat waiting for me to finish our little Zander's story...I apologize for what I can only explain as some laziness and a lot of busy-ness. I have been really busy, now with TWO little ones and Zander being "spirited", I have neglected to update on this blog.

I am headed out to do a photo session for a new adoption family and was researching to prepare...stumbled on my blog, only to be reminded that I haven't posted. I do intend on finishing Zander's story....until then, just a note for now.

Zander's Story...Part 2

So I didn't get back to the story the next week. Oops! But I am back now and here is Part 2 of Zander's Story.

When last left off, we had transferred our adoption profile from the Denver, Colorado office to our now Idaho office. This was in June of 2008. We bought a home and began to remodel, which helped us put the adoption "out of site, out of mind", so to speak. Sometimes its easier to be busy, so that everyday you are not reminded of the "waiting" period.

Sometime in mid July, Carl and I were working on the house and needed a break. We took off to grab a bite to eat for lunch. May I paint a pretty little picture: Carl and I in our grubbies, hat on head, no makeup (for me at least, ha) and just dirty, dirty, dirty. We are eating in a fast food restaurant and my cell phone rings. No thought, I pick it up. It was our caseworker saying that there was a birthmother considering us, but she was also looking at several other families.

Both Carl and I began to cry, right there in the restaurant. With the way we looked, I am sure people around us thought maybe we were homeless and at "rock bottom", when really we had hope. We were being considered. That's when it all felt real, again.

I have a little guy that needs my attention right now and a daughter that wants some attention too. So, this will be another break from the story. I will not wait so long for the next one, this time.

Zander's Adoption Story

This one is close to my heart because Zander is our son. Our story really begins on 26 of July 2008.

A little history: After we adopted Kya, we knew we would want to adopt again, but of course we decided to wait until she was one year old. On her first birthday, I asked my husband..."so, are we going to get our paperwork going now?" We both decided to wait a little bit. Carl was just finishing grad school and we had been applying for jobs. So we thought it best to wait until we find a job and settle somewhere.

When Carl and I were married, and shortly after he decided on a degree for his career (before children were even in the picture) we always talked about places we would want to live. The only place we could agree on was Colorado. So that always stuck with us. Carl was offered a job in Colorado Springs, CO in the summer of 2007, the summer Kya turned 1.

We made the move to Colorado in October of 2007. Found a town house and began to set roots. Of course in November of 2007 we started our paperwork for another adoption. We went through the process of paperwork, decisions, classes, backgrounds checks and the whole works from start to finish again in Denver, CO this time. We were approved in March of 2008.

About this same time Carl was offered his job in Idaho again, they wanted him back. And we explored options of opening a business in Idaho, plus, family is in Idaho. So we decided to make the move back home near family. We hadn't heard from any birthmoms at this point.

We moved in June 2008.

I had a blog set up for birthmoms to go to and learn more about our family. I tried to update weekly, mostly with our Friday Night Date/Family Nights. Well, with the move and so many other things going on, I had neglected the blog.

We transferred our adoption profile to the office in Idaho and then began to wait, again.

This is where I will stop my story and continue next week with....the rest of the story. I will also post a seperate post on Placement. This is kind of a ceremonial act of "placing" the baby in the adoptive home, or parents arms, really.

Until next week

My name is Mindy, my husband I have been married for almost 4 years and have been TTC for just over 2 years. We are still working with the doctors but I feel like it's taking forever and we are not sure how long it will take. The last I heard from my doctor was "depending on your thyroid problem, we will most likely have to get you on medication for at least a year before we can start trying to get you pregnant". On our long drive home from the doctors office my husband and I realized that it could be a very long time before we could get pregnant, because there was no guarantee that I could even get pregnant after that year was up. So that is when we had opened our minds and our hearts towards adoption. And words can't even express how excited I am about or decision, I know it is the right thing for us! Since then we have been filling out all the paperwork through LDS family services. If anyone would like to keep up on our journey, I would love to share it... www.randmsorenson.blogspot.com

I just want to say thank you to all those who have shared their adoption stories, they are such an inspiration and a support to me!
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(Blog Hostess: We support you 110% Mindy. You are in our prayers.)

Great Video of Adoption.

We are in the middle of experience a new story, which I will share in a few days or so. I recently came accross this video, that we happened to be in...love it. Check it out!

See Video Here

Another GREAT story

When Matt and I had been married for about a year we started trying to get pregnant with our first child. I went off birth control and the very next month I was pregnant. We were so happy and excited and couldn’t believe how fast everything was happening. When I was 8 weeks along I started cramping and bleeding and I went into the doctor’s office and they did an ultrasound and we found out we were having a miscarriage. We were so devastated and were told that it is pretty common, so we forged ahead and a couple months later we tried again and became pregnant for a 2^nd time. We miscarried again, this time at 7 weeks along. I was terrified to even get pregnant again because I didn’t want to go through the disappointment of another loss. I was very lucky to get pregnant a 3^rd time about 5-6 months later , and with the help of my doctors I was able to carry to full term and deliver a healthy baby boy. Our son Max’s pregnancy was a rough one and I spent the last trimester on bed rest due to pre-term labor, but I was very grateful to have him and it was worth all the trials. When Max was a little over one we decided to start trying for a second child and we became pregnant and we were optimistic that this pregnancy would be like Max’s and would work out. Everything went smoothly and we made it safely out of the first trimester and we were so glad to be adding another child to our family. When we getting close to the 5 month of pregnancy I started spotting and bleeding off and on and my doctor couldn’t really find a reason for it. I knew something wasn’t right but they sent me in for an ultrasound and the baby was healthy and had a strong heartbeat and was moving and kicking. I was so relieved. A couple of weeks later we were touring the Parade of Homes and I started cramping really bad. I thought it was ligament pains so I didn’t say anything to my husband and we continued touring and then I finally told him I wanted to go home and rest. When I got home I went to the restroom and was shocked to see I was covered in blood ( I just thought I was sweating) and Matt rushed me into the ER. The ER dr checked me and then sent me to get an ultrasound and the baby was still looking great, and healthy. I was confident that all would be ok. It was a relief to see a heartbeat in the ultrasound. When I got back to the ER the Doctor (insensitive jerk) told me I was already dilated to a 4 and that I was going to lose my baby and then handed me some pain medication and said.. it will probably hurt, and then walked out of the room. Shocked I sat there for 10 minutes unable to even grasp what he had just told me. I went home and tried to sleep but there was no way I could. I wanted to talk to my OBYGN to see what he would say. I called first thing in the morning and he had me come right into Labor and delivery and I stayed there until the afternoon when we delivered a baby girl. She was only alive for 30 seconds before she passed away peacefully in my arms. Our hearts were broken and we buried our baby Anna a week later. Spiritually it was an amazing experience for us, even though it was a heart-wrenching one.

To make a really long story a little bit shorter, we lost two more pregnancies after losing Anna. I needed time to heal and to take a break from thinking about our losses. I really wanted to pursue adoption. I have always had a testimony of the miracle of adoption and I was so excited to get all of our paperwork done. I sailed through the paperwork and 6 weeks later we were approved. We had signed up with parentprofiles.com and we went online on Dec. 2^nd and we were contacted by an expectant mom on Dec 8^th and we emailed back and forth until the end of December and then I drove to meet her for lunch. We hit it off right away and it was such a great feeling when she officially chose us to adopt her baby girl. She still had 3 months left and so we kept in touch and I was even lucky enough to go to an ultrasound appointment with her. Our beautiful baby girl was born March 27^th 2007 and was placed with us on April 1^st. We have an open adoption with Ava’s birthmother and we talk, text email often. We try to get together for visits every 3 months or so and we love having such a great relationship with her. We couldn't imagine our life without her in it.

We just finished our paperwork for our next adoption and we are hoping it will be a smooth journey to our next child. Thanks for letting me share our story. Check out our blog at www.domesticgoddesslaura.blogspot.com J

Laura

November...Adoption Celebration Month

November is Adoption Month. I cannot go by without posting about adoption and the amazing blessing that it is. I am so grateful for my Heavenly Father's plan....for ALL of his children.

Little over two years ago, ours lives were changed by adoption. I have so many thoughts on the topic and have felt at times that as a result of our experience, I am here to sing out to the world, so to speak.

There are reasons for everything, and adoption has been the most blessed learning experience we have had, not just for the sake of being able to be parents and have our lives blessed with little dears, but for so many other valuable lessons in life.

We have learned charity for others and knowing that no matter what ones situation is, with the right direction and love, blessings do come. We have learned a little patience for what is in store for us. I say 'a little' because I am still learning patience. We have a greater understanding of Eternal Families.

Open adoption has been a new road we have traveled. Of course adoption itself was new for us, but having an open adoption with Kya's beautiful birthfamilies has been an eye opening experience. I know at times some wonder if we are doing the 'right' thing by being open, and others wonder if we have Kya's best interest in mind, and even others feel our decision was not the best decision. All I have to say is, 'this is a road we are traveling, one step at a time'.

First and foremost, Kya and her little brother, are number 1 priority when it comes to 'best interest'. They will always be the most important people to us and when it comes to their stories and who they are and where they came from, that will come as it is supposed to.

We love our birthfamilies and we love our families, and the way we see it...ultimately...we are all one family.

I am not here to "preach", open adoption is not for everyone or everysituation. I am just grateful that we have been able to have this experience with our daughter, thus far. I thank my Father in Heaven every day for Kya, adoption, temples, eternal families and the families that allow us to be a family hear on earth.

This post was a lot of journaling, and some celebration, but mostly....unconditional GRATITUDE.

ONE LOVE

Thank you to all who support adoption and all it entails.

Dear Kya,

You are so precious. Your beautiful eyes share so many of those who love you and whom you have touched. When first we talked about having a family, I know as every parent, we wanted to be blessed with someone beautiful, loving, caring, sweet and many others attributes. But never did we dream that you would be all, 100 times, and so much more.

Both your beautiful birthparents have a song for you..."my wish for you"...and this letter is My wish for you. I wish for you to be happy, to love someone, to always be warm. I wish for you to always feel safe in our arms, for you to be giving and serve others, and to feel the love of your Savior everyday. I wish for you to love those who gave you life and those who showed you the world. I pray that you will always know who you are as a daughter of God, where you came from and where you are going. And in the process of this crazy and wonderful journey, that you will enjoy every moment you have here, every person you meet will remember you for your smile and eminating light you have.

Words really cannot express the love I have for you or the gratitude I have for adoption. I wish for you to always know....
Mommy loves you!

Love Mommy and Daddy

Not neglecting...

I am not neglecting this blog...I just haven't had any stories lately. I would really love to post someone's story soon. So if you have something to share about adoption.....send it to me at foreverweeks@yahoo.com. Thanks Have a great day!

Cassidy's Story

We tried to get pregnant a couple of years after we were married but no success. We decided to make an appointment with a Fertility Specialist. They gave me an ultrasound to check my ovaries. So far so good, but then asked my husband if they could do a biopsy on him. Of course he was willing to do whatever it takes to find out some answers. I felt so bad for him, it was painful and so uncomfortable. But what we found out was very similar to your news. My husband has no sperm. He felt so bad that he couldn't get me pregnant. Of course he's not to blame, it's what it is. We now move on from here.So then we talked about our options. I definitely didn't feel comfortable or feel like it was right to go to a sperm bank for us. So we started talking about Adoption. Of course we didn't have any experience in adoption. At first, we had concerns and lots of questions. My husband was very concerned for our "future" child, and what our child would have to go through. We were new at this, and we didn't know how it was going to work. The more we prayed about it, our answer came that Adoption was going to be our way of having children. So we set up an interview with Bishop L., whom we respected so much and just loved him and his family. He also helped us with some of our concerns, since he understood what we were going through. :) The Adoption process (started in August 2003) opened our eyes to another world, we knew nothing about. It was exciting, disappointing at times, frustrating (due to our caseworker losing our papers and delaying us to be approved), but also amazing to meet with other couples in the same situation and meeting birthmothers and hearing their experiences. (That was our favorite part at our Core Training-The panel of those who are part of the miracle of Adoption). We could always feel the spirit so strong! We finished all of our paperwork and classes by November 2003. It was then time to wait to be approved. Our situation doesn't normally happen, but it took us a looooong time to be approved due to some frustrating things our caseworker did, or one thing or another. We were finally approved in May 2004. That was wonderful news, because now our profile was on-line and we could be discovered. When we started getting e-mails it was a mix of emotions to correspond with birthmothers and their families. It was like winning the lottery each time and we couldn't wait to reply back to them. Each birthmother was so special and different in their own way. They all had different concerns and questions. We started getting email after email from different birthmothers. It was very exciting! It was fun to huddle around the computer together and read each e-mail so carefully.

We particularly became close to a birthmother who already had two daughters and now expecting her 3rd child, and 3 months pregnant. She was going through a rough time in her life with her marriage and didn't want her baby to have a broken home. After a couple of months of correspondence she chose us to be her baby's parents, we really got to know each other. She wanted to meet face to face, during Spring Break (in March 2005). We were so scared about meeting face to face, but at the same time knew it was the right thing to do. See, we heard so many bad and negative things about an "open" adoption that we started to fear these things. But we just decided to hop on for the ride and just experience these new experiences as we go for ourselves, but what was important to us was just to always be true to our feelings and to be honest with any birthmother on how we felt, as we were going through the process. We understood we would all be going through this process together. Two weeks prior to our face to face with Holly, whom we developed a sweet relationship with, we got a phone call from her caseworker in Utah saying she changed her mind in meeting us. We were so sad! We didn't get any more information to why? We had so many questions and just wanted some answers. Did we do something wrong? Is she okay? We never heard from Holly again. We wanted to write her one more letter to express our feelings of love for her and that if she still needs someone to talk to that we will always be there. Even if it means we aren't chosen to be her baby's parents anymore. We wanted her to understand we love her and that we're not mad or that it doesn't change our relationship. We still had to get away from every day things and do something to cheer us up. So we decided to go on a cruise! That's definitely what we needed! Just to focus on each other, and have some fun. As time went on we kept corresponding with new birthmothers. It kept us busy. We still thought about Holly a lot and wondered how she was doing. Then a couple of months after we knew Holly probably had her baby now, we got an e-mail from Holly. It was a wonderful surprise! She told us how she and her husband worked through their differences and got some outside help and were doing so much better now. So they decided to keep the baby and keep their family together. She said she was dead set on placing her baby with us, but everything fell into place with her family. We were thrilled! That's what we wanted for her and for her family, to be able to have a happy home again and to be together. Even though we wanted to have a child we couldn't of asked for anything more for our friend. It definitely made us feel better. She had a healthy baby boy. She sent pictures and boy he had the most beautiful curly red hair. He was so cute!

As we continued to wait for some happy news in having a child we got the chance to know different birthmothers from all over the country (even one from Australia). We were so grateful for the response we received. But we still hadn't found our birthmother. We tried really hard to just continue enjoying life together. That summer we were asked to be a Ma & Pa for our Stake Pioneer Trek. We couldn't resist! It only happens every 4 years and we couldn't of asked for a better experience! It was pretty awesome, and amazing to walk the grounds where our pioneers walked, suffered, and showed such great faith. One of our previous Bishops, that we're close to, teased us that once we got back home we would be a Ma and Pa permanently since that's what happened to another couple, who was waiting to adopt. We just laughed and then hoped that would come true for us too.

Well lo and behold things went pretty fast once we got home from the trek. That's when we got an e-mail from a new birthmother that ended up being our birthmother forever. She was very young (16 years old) and going through a lot at home with her parents divorce. She was interested in having an open adoption. We realized we had so much in common. (I can write another book on just Krissy and what she means to us, but I know our story is already getting long.) We were always honest and up front with her even if it wasn't what she wanted to hear at the time. For example, one of her heartfelt questions right before placement was: "What if something happens to you and Derek could I have custody of Cassidy?" How do you answer that? I'm so grateful to my husband for being guided with the spirit that day and answered her question with a loving voice. He challenged her on how she was currently living her life and the choices she was making when it came to her own well being. Is she living her life the way that Cassidy deserves. Reminding her of why she's placing Cassidy with us in the first place. She wants Cassidy to have a mom and dad and to grow up in the church. Krissy wasn't active in the church at that time. To this day she remembers that day sitting in her apartment talking about these serious questions and thanks Derek for being strong and for listening to the spirit instead of just saying what would be easy and what she would want to hear. Through time we have become like family, Kaley is a little sister to us. We continue to keep in touch with e-mails, and phone calls. Of course not as often as we did the first year but just whenever one of us wants to talk and say hi we will automatically call or write. Just like any other friend or relative we talk to. Looking back all three of us can see what has happened since that special day of placement and it confirms each time why everything happened for a reason and how Heavenly Father has guided and prepared each one of us for this journey. He brought us together and we are all blessed for it. Since her selfless decision of placing her baby, she's strengthen her own testimony of the church, met a return missionary, got married to him (we had the chance to be there for her special day), had a baby boy, and just went through the temple last month to be sealed for time and all eternity to her hubby and son. We're so proud of her! She's been an inspiration to us and to our families. She will always be special and have a special place in our hearts. We all get along so well and even with her parents, siblings, and grandparents. We just hope and pray we can have as good as a relationship with our next birthfamily like we have with our baby girl's birth family. We totally recommend having an "open" adoption as long as everyone involved is comfortable to that experience. As you know Paula, it opens doors to all kinds of opportunities and what's better than embracing another huge family considered as another part of your family. Our sweet daughter has more people to love her now, and she is so blessed to have so many people that care so much for her. Of course we all understand our roles in the situation too. It just kind of happens naturally if you let it, the relationship and the openness. This is still our first experience so we're still just going along for the ride and don't know everything. Our daughter is now 2 1/2 years old and we're starting the adoption process all over again. It's very exciting! Cassidy is still the only girl on my side of the family out of 16 grandchildren. She truly is special in so many ways!

It was neat to be able to be there for the birth, I even cut the umbilical cord. :) But to have that baby placed in your arms from your baby's birthmom, there's no words to describe it! Like your picture on your blog, "Mother to Mother." We'll always be grateful to Krissy for that gift of being a witness to the miracle of birth and for blessing us with our sweet little angel. Our adoption story has given us a chance to meet so many wonderful, amazing people. And we have come in contact with so many people that we just meet on the street or at a store or at school that somehow they have been touched by adoption for good. You just never know who you're going to meet and instantly have a unique connection with because of that special bond of an adoption story.

(some names have been change for the protection of our sweet birthmothers)