Tess and Zander

Lately I've been writing more about life lessons I'm learning and experiences and trials.  This crazy roller coaster ride or rather life journey we are on.  This is all good and grand as we all learn how to deal with hurdles.  But tonight I wanted to share some simple precious moments we've had lately with our open adoption journey. 

Open adoption is a daily learning opportunity.  I've never done this before, I've never had a nine and seven year old before now with seven families to love them.  We are constantly experiencing new life lessons and ways to handle how Love makes a Family, not always blood. 

It hasn't always been easy, but its always worth the lesson. 

Zander was just a few months old when we were preparing for his adoption finalization and sealing in the temple to our eternal family.  Both sets of Zander's birth grandparents had been able to come and visit and spend time with our little baby boy.  He was such a tiny little baby, and had so much personality, very early on.  From very vocal lungs, just minutes after birth to a curious spirit and animated facial expressions as a baby, he has always brought spice to our family.  During their visits from states away, I would constantly share the similarities I was seeing in Zander and our family, and especially his similarities to me.  This was hard for Tess to hear, how could I try to compare this little boy that clearly was a big part of her, to me (not a biological mother)?

As an adoptive mother, learning how to raise children I had not born, was educational.  I have always felt strongly that once these children are in my care and in my home and family, then I was going to do my best to make sure they never felt "different" or less than anything but my children and our family.  It was my (and Carl's) responsibility to bring them 100%, wholeheartedly into our family.  Once their birthmoms hand them over to me, that's my job.

We love to find the "nature vs nurture" attributes in our children.  Its almost a fun game we play, trying to pick out their quirks or unique personalities and claiming those from us or naming those to a birthparent.  I love every bit of who my children are and where they came from and I will proudly own it all. 

For example, my son has a wild and creative personality.  The imagination running through his brain is mind blowing.  He has such a free spirit about him and will do things his own way and in his own time.  He was born with blonde hair, despite his Mexican and Italian blood, and beautiful olive skin.  Many times I would hold this little one in my arms and stare into his eyes, hold his little hands and feet and try as I might to find the similarities he and I shared.  But even in this same thought, I could not see past the beauty he held in his soul of where he came from, the qualities he possessed that he shared with Tess and Jon.  He has her eyes, he has her laugh, he has his charming dimples.  He was my child to raise and love and entrusted with, but not a day goes by that I don't see Tess and Jon in him. 

Unfortunately, I did not express this as well early on.  I was learning to be a mother, and entrusted to be his mother by another.  I searched hard to find the similarities he shared with me.  My daughter is just like her father, in personality, spirit and even looks.  I was determined to see me in my son.  But how could this biologically be?  This was a concern Tess had and feared we would forget what she had done for us.

To this day, as much as Zander is my son, I don't see him, without seeing her or Jon.  And I love that about my children.  That there is evidence of all of us in them, while they both still maintain their own uniqueness and absolute greatness as human beings.  My children know they are loved in our home and family and they truly are my children, but they came with so much more.  More greatness, more family, more beauty that I get to share with the world. 

Tess shared these pictures with me, from her recent visit to our home.  She made a special 8 hour drive to help me out just days after my hysterectomy a couple months ago.  Unfortunately, not only was I recovering and mostly bed ridden, Carl and Kya decided to come down with a nasty flu/cold that also put them down.  Thankfully, Zander did not get sick and was able to spend some precious one on one time with Tess. 

Again, precious moments that I cherish.  I am so grateful for Tess, Jerica and ultimately my Father in Heaven who first and lastly brought these children to my home, family and heart and have shared, entrusted and allowed me to be their mother.