Early on in our family, when Kya was just a little girl, learning to walk and talk we had an experience of uncertainty in how our open adoption was going to work.
Sitting around the living room of Jerica's house, enjoying conversation with her parents and siblings, after stuffing our faces with a delicious meal made by Mama G (as Carl has lovingly named her), Kya was crawling around the floor playing with toy horses. She had recently learned to say "mama" and called to me for some help with a toy. I went to her and played with her for a moment. The weekend went on this way, hanging out, eating good food and chatting it up.
Jerica had graduated from high school at this time and was spending all her free time with her friends before they were leaving for college or moving on in their lives. Leaving their small town to experience the world. We didn't get to spend as much time with her in Kya's early years. Surely she was doing her best to get on and cope with adoption and the openness we were blessed to have with them.
Sunday after church, Jerica and her parents pulled us aside. We sat around the sitting room, away from the other family members, while Kya was being watched by her aunt (Jerica's younger sister).
I could feel the emotions in the room begin to build and it was evident that there were concerns and heavy thoughts coming from Jerica. Mom and Dad G were also a little more somber than normal. My heart began to pound for fear of what I felt was about to happen. Jerica's dad began to explain, as Jerica was clearly unable to speak while tears began to well in her eyes.
We were told that Jerica wasn't sure how to continue an open adoption. Hearing Kya call me "mommy" was a little too much for her to handle at the time. She didn't want to lose the closeness we had, but wasn't dealing with it as well as she had hoped. We were told that she wanted to take some time to think about it and make a decision of how to move forward in her own journey, with or without us in it.
Communication and honesty are very important to Carl and me in our open adoption journey. We have always said from the beginning, that if ever our children or our birthfamilies needed a break from openness then we all had to respect that right. Adoption has always been for the best interest of our children and our birth moms and birth dads. At this moment, Jerica's best interest was our concern. Unfortunately we had to tell her that we would respect her wishes (as difficult as this was for me to imagine losing my "sista from anotha mista") but that she needed to also understand, that however long it took for her to come back to us, if she did, then it would be up to Kya and her best interest if she would be able to allow that open adoption in her life.
Jerica took a few days to think, as we tried to patiently wait. We left that weekend with heavy hearts and puffy eyes, with the thought that we may not be able to have Jerica in our lives regularly. The next week she called and told us she didn't want to lose our family and wanted to continue on our open adoption journey with us. I was thrilled and so grateful for her decision. She was just struggling with life changes, friends leaving and decision of what to do post graduation. It was all a little overwhelming.
8 years later, we are going strong and I count my blessings everyday for all the beautiful family we have gained through both our kids.
I took these pictures just a few weeks ago while visiting Jerica and her husband and two little boys. We were getting ready for the day and Jerica was doing Kya's hair. I cherish these precious moments we share.
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