Not neglecting...

I am not neglecting this blog...I just haven't had any stories lately. I would really love to post someone's story soon. So if you have something to share about adoption.....send it to me at foreverweeks@yahoo.com. Thanks Have a great day!

Cassidy's Story

We tried to get pregnant a couple of years after we were married but no success. We decided to make an appointment with a Fertility Specialist. They gave me an ultrasound to check my ovaries. So far so good, but then asked my husband if they could do a biopsy on him. Of course he was willing to do whatever it takes to find out some answers. I felt so bad for him, it was painful and so uncomfortable. But what we found out was very similar to your news. My husband has no sperm. He felt so bad that he couldn't get me pregnant. Of course he's not to blame, it's what it is. We now move on from here.So then we talked about our options. I definitely didn't feel comfortable or feel like it was right to go to a sperm bank for us. So we started talking about Adoption. Of course we didn't have any experience in adoption. At first, we had concerns and lots of questions. My husband was very concerned for our "future" child, and what our child would have to go through. We were new at this, and we didn't know how it was going to work. The more we prayed about it, our answer came that Adoption was going to be our way of having children. So we set up an interview with Bishop L., whom we respected so much and just loved him and his family. He also helped us with some of our concerns, since he understood what we were going through. :) The Adoption process (started in August 2003) opened our eyes to another world, we knew nothing about. It was exciting, disappointing at times, frustrating (due to our caseworker losing our papers and delaying us to be approved), but also amazing to meet with other couples in the same situation and meeting birthmothers and hearing their experiences. (That was our favorite part at our Core Training-The panel of those who are part of the miracle of Adoption). We could always feel the spirit so strong! We finished all of our paperwork and classes by November 2003. It was then time to wait to be approved. Our situation doesn't normally happen, but it took us a looooong time to be approved due to some frustrating things our caseworker did, or one thing or another. We were finally approved in May 2004. That was wonderful news, because now our profile was on-line and we could be discovered. When we started getting e-mails it was a mix of emotions to correspond with birthmothers and their families. It was like winning the lottery each time and we couldn't wait to reply back to them. Each birthmother was so special and different in their own way. They all had different concerns and questions. We started getting email after email from different birthmothers. It was very exciting! It was fun to huddle around the computer together and read each e-mail so carefully.

We particularly became close to a birthmother who already had two daughters and now expecting her 3rd child, and 3 months pregnant. She was going through a rough time in her life with her marriage and didn't want her baby to have a broken home. After a couple of months of correspondence she chose us to be her baby's parents, we really got to know each other. She wanted to meet face to face, during Spring Break (in March 2005). We were so scared about meeting face to face, but at the same time knew it was the right thing to do. See, we heard so many bad and negative things about an "open" adoption that we started to fear these things. But we just decided to hop on for the ride and just experience these new experiences as we go for ourselves, but what was important to us was just to always be true to our feelings and to be honest with any birthmother on how we felt, as we were going through the process. We understood we would all be going through this process together. Two weeks prior to our face to face with Holly, whom we developed a sweet relationship with, we got a phone call from her caseworker in Utah saying she changed her mind in meeting us. We were so sad! We didn't get any more information to why? We had so many questions and just wanted some answers. Did we do something wrong? Is she okay? We never heard from Holly again. We wanted to write her one more letter to express our feelings of love for her and that if she still needs someone to talk to that we will always be there. Even if it means we aren't chosen to be her baby's parents anymore. We wanted her to understand we love her and that we're not mad or that it doesn't change our relationship. We still had to get away from every day things and do something to cheer us up. So we decided to go on a cruise! That's definitely what we needed! Just to focus on each other, and have some fun. As time went on we kept corresponding with new birthmothers. It kept us busy. We still thought about Holly a lot and wondered how she was doing. Then a couple of months after we knew Holly probably had her baby now, we got an e-mail from Holly. It was a wonderful surprise! She told us how she and her husband worked through their differences and got some outside help and were doing so much better now. So they decided to keep the baby and keep their family together. She said she was dead set on placing her baby with us, but everything fell into place with her family. We were thrilled! That's what we wanted for her and for her family, to be able to have a happy home again and to be together. Even though we wanted to have a child we couldn't of asked for anything more for our friend. It definitely made us feel better. She had a healthy baby boy. She sent pictures and boy he had the most beautiful curly red hair. He was so cute!

As we continued to wait for some happy news in having a child we got the chance to know different birthmothers from all over the country (even one from Australia). We were so grateful for the response we received. But we still hadn't found our birthmother. We tried really hard to just continue enjoying life together. That summer we were asked to be a Ma & Pa for our Stake Pioneer Trek. We couldn't resist! It only happens every 4 years and we couldn't of asked for a better experience! It was pretty awesome, and amazing to walk the grounds where our pioneers walked, suffered, and showed such great faith. One of our previous Bishops, that we're close to, teased us that once we got back home we would be a Ma and Pa permanently since that's what happened to another couple, who was waiting to adopt. We just laughed and then hoped that would come true for us too.

Well lo and behold things went pretty fast once we got home from the trek. That's when we got an e-mail from a new birthmother that ended up being our birthmother forever. She was very young (16 years old) and going through a lot at home with her parents divorce. She was interested in having an open adoption. We realized we had so much in common. (I can write another book on just Krissy and what she means to us, but I know our story is already getting long.) We were always honest and up front with her even if it wasn't what she wanted to hear at the time. For example, one of her heartfelt questions right before placement was: "What if something happens to you and Derek could I have custody of Cassidy?" How do you answer that? I'm so grateful to my husband for being guided with the spirit that day and answered her question with a loving voice. He challenged her on how she was currently living her life and the choices she was making when it came to her own well being. Is she living her life the way that Cassidy deserves. Reminding her of why she's placing Cassidy with us in the first place. She wants Cassidy to have a mom and dad and to grow up in the church. Krissy wasn't active in the church at that time. To this day she remembers that day sitting in her apartment talking about these serious questions and thanks Derek for being strong and for listening to the spirit instead of just saying what would be easy and what she would want to hear. Through time we have become like family, Kaley is a little sister to us. We continue to keep in touch with e-mails, and phone calls. Of course not as often as we did the first year but just whenever one of us wants to talk and say hi we will automatically call or write. Just like any other friend or relative we talk to. Looking back all three of us can see what has happened since that special day of placement and it confirms each time why everything happened for a reason and how Heavenly Father has guided and prepared each one of us for this journey. He brought us together and we are all blessed for it. Since her selfless decision of placing her baby, she's strengthen her own testimony of the church, met a return missionary, got married to him (we had the chance to be there for her special day), had a baby boy, and just went through the temple last month to be sealed for time and all eternity to her hubby and son. We're so proud of her! She's been an inspiration to us and to our families. She will always be special and have a special place in our hearts. We all get along so well and even with her parents, siblings, and grandparents. We just hope and pray we can have as good as a relationship with our next birthfamily like we have with our baby girl's birth family. We totally recommend having an "open" adoption as long as everyone involved is comfortable to that experience. As you know Paula, it opens doors to all kinds of opportunities and what's better than embracing another huge family considered as another part of your family. Our sweet daughter has more people to love her now, and she is so blessed to have so many people that care so much for her. Of course we all understand our roles in the situation too. It just kind of happens naturally if you let it, the relationship and the openness. This is still our first experience so we're still just going along for the ride and don't know everything. Our daughter is now 2 1/2 years old and we're starting the adoption process all over again. It's very exciting! Cassidy is still the only girl on my side of the family out of 16 grandchildren. She truly is special in so many ways!

It was neat to be able to be there for the birth, I even cut the umbilical cord. :) But to have that baby placed in your arms from your baby's birthmom, there's no words to describe it! Like your picture on your blog, "Mother to Mother." We'll always be grateful to Krissy for that gift of being a witness to the miracle of birth and for blessing us with our sweet little angel. Our adoption story has given us a chance to meet so many wonderful, amazing people. And we have come in contact with so many people that we just meet on the street or at a store or at school that somehow they have been touched by adoption for good. You just never know who you're going to meet and instantly have a unique connection with because of that special bond of an adoption story.

(some names have been change for the protection of our sweet birthmothers)

First Story to share!

I am so excited, I got home today and found two adoption stories in my email. I will post one tonight and then the other in a couple days. I love adoption and I love reading your stories. Thank you...keep em' coming....lovingly, Paula. Zachary's story When we got married, we "thought" we were in control of when to start our family (we laugh about that now), so we decided to be on birth control for the first few months of our marriage. After about 8 months of uncontrollable hormones and emotions due to the pill, we decided to start "trying" for a baby. I remember when and where we were when we decided that, and I remember exactly where I was when I took that last pill and threw the rest away, it was a feeling of utter excitement. Little did I know what lie ahead. After a year of trying, I went to the doctor to find out what was going on. We did blood tests and ultrasounds, with no conclusive explanation. So, I was put on clomid and that was our jumping off point, on the long journey ahead. I spent so much money on pregnancy tests throughout this time, it was unreal. After a few months I was then on the highest dose of Clomid and also on Glucophage which tends to help women ovulate. I had still not been diagnosed with anything, other than irregular ovulation. No PCOS or anything, just frustration. So we decided to have my husband tested, which came back saying little or no sperm found. Then we did more tests, which proved there were very few sperm, and they weren't the healthiest or the best swimmers, however, the doctor was quite hopeful that we could get pregnant. My body started "working" regularly so we thought for sure we would. This went on for months and months. I would get frustrated, stop taking everything and just cry. Then get motivated again and start the process all over. After 3 years of this, we met with a reproductive endocrinologist in SL to get his opinion on things. We left his office VERY hopeful and optimistic about AI and IUI or even IVF. Knowing we were still poor college students, we started on the cheapest road first and found another dr in Logan to help us. The first IUI was terrible for me. I was in so much pain afterwards, I just sat in the room and cried and cried. Then a few weeks later when my period started I was so mad, angry, sad, depressed, etc. So, we prayed and fasted to know what to do next. We felt very strongly about doing it again, one more time. Our family also felt the same way. When I went in for the next one, I knew it was going to work, we just knew it. I had a blessing the night before that promised me a child, so I knew it was going to work. I went in with such a positive attitude. It was still painful but I was willing to go through ANYTHING to have a child. I went home, back to work, back to life and waited to see. Then the dreaded day came. I had some of my closest friends calling me asking if I was pregnant yet, and I had to tell them, through more of my tears, NO. One of my best friends even had a very spiritual experience about my baby, but I was not pregnant. That was one of the hardest times through all of this. We felt so strongly that we needed to do it and go that route, but yet it didn't work. So we left town. We left and went to Jackson Hole to get away from everyone and everything. That was exactly 2 years ago this weekend. When we came back I requested the paperwork from LDS Family Services. I felt that we needed to work on the paperwork at an undaunting pace, because I needed to get my mind on something and off of what just happened. My sister was going through an adoption and brought home their little girl when we got the paperwork in the mail. We met with our caseworker in January, started the amazing classes the next week and had our paperwork done within 2 weeks. We felt this was the next step in our journey together. We were approved April 1 and on the internet by April 10th. Our birthmother started looking at profiles around April 15th. We got a call from our caseworker May 13th that a birthmother wanted to meet with us, she wasn't sure what her plan was for the baby, but knew she wanted to meet with us. We met with her May 16, the day before my birthday, the day that changed our lives forever. The meeting went well, we felt so good afterwards, we were so excited. We came home and really felt that this was our baby, and if she chose us we would have an open adoption with her and her family. This was the longest 3 weeks of our lives! Then on June 9th, our caseworker brought us the good news that we were chosen! We were going to be parents to a little boy who was due in a month. We met with her many more times before the due date for ice cream, lunch, walks, breakfast and just to get to know her. The love we felt for this young woman was undescribable. We barely knew her, but she was amazing. She and I formed a friendship immediately. Then July 10, our angel was born. We had placement on July 11 and that is when we saw our baby for the 1st time. And the rest as they say is history! Adoption is a miracle. Adoption has shown us that Heavenly Father is so aware of all of us and our needs, desires and wishes. Our baby was conceived the exact same time we were going through the last IUI, coincidence? NO WAY. The hand of God is in it every step of the way. We love adoption and want to scream it to the world how wonderful it is. We love our birthmom and her family, they are amazing, loving people. Most importantly, we love our son, he is an answer to prayers and has completed our family in more than words can say. We love Zachary!Check us out at brandonkristin.blogspot.com

Calling all moms!

I would really love to share some more adoptive stories, if you have one you care to share...please pass it on and email it to me at kankanweeks@yahoo.com. I am sure your story will inspire some out there looking into the option of adoption. Thank you for your support.

My complete story

I haven't had any stories passed on to me yet, and as I was re-reading my first post, I realized how cold that felt reading it. So here I am...telling the whole story of our First Miracle.
As I had mentioned, after one year of trying and no pregnancy, I went right to the doctor to find out what was wrong. I am not a patient woman, and I knew something was wrong.

A little history...as a teenager I had a strong impression that, even though I really wasn't thinking about a family, I felt that having children would be a challenge for me. Confirmation! I didn't have any significant illnesses (at the time) and I didn't have any reason to think this, I just knew it...children are the one thing in life that I knew I wanted more than anything, so I knew it would be the one thing that I wouldn't be able to have, or that it would be difficult to get.

Ok, so now that I just knew something was wrong, I told the doctor, "there has got to be something wrong, I am not pregnant, and I want to be". We didn't even go to clomid, I didn't want to waste time, I want to know the "why nots". A few in office tests which were unsuccessful and then one laparascopic, endoscopic surgery later...no reason to believe I shouldn't be able to get pregnant.

Another little bit of history, I have interstitial cystitis and vulvar vestibulitis, which I didn't find all this out until after being married. All issues dealing with my "female area". So for sure there has to be something causing me to not have children.

So then the doctors suggested we check my husband...several, painful, test later we find out that he has no sperm and no explanation of "why not". I remember sitting in the doctors office when he said, "I just don't see it possible for you to father your own children"... my heart broke. And then my husband's heart broke, because he knew that that was the one thing I wanted, and he couldn't provide that.

October 2005 we put our paperwork in for adoption and started the process. I am a huge advocate for adoption, before and now. I will always fight for adoption and the awesome experience it is. I remember thinking and discussing with my husband the process...I will tell you that if the FBI, State authorities, Church authorities and everyother background check persons don't find us fit to be parents, then I don't know who will. Athough a long and grueling process of interviews, paperwork and classes, that adoption is...WELL WORTH IT in the END.

July 2006 we had been emailing a birthmother who wanted to meet us. We were thrilled, but somehow a little skeptical about it. She wanted to meet us on a Friday night about one hour from where we lived near her house. Well, we called our caseworker and we were told that if we felt comfortable we could go alone. We met her and took her out for ice cream and talked and laughed and cried. She reached accross the table, took my hands and said, "I want you to be the parents of my child". I was stunned, and speechless. My husband and I left to go home after dropping her off at her home, and spent the hour drive perplexed. Confirmation! I look at him and said, "Are you excited?" and we both kind of shrugged our shoulders. Why were we not thrilled, 'on cloud nine', 'in seventh heaven'...you get the idea. We just weren't. We went home an prayed about it and felt that we would move forward with this birthmother, but ask the Lord that if she wasn't our birthmother, please send us ours soon.

The next friday we got "The Call". A young girl called and said, "I am 16, pregnant and due in a week". WOW. We dropped everything and drove 2 hours to meet her and her family. It was very warm and comfortable to sit there in her home with her siblings and parents. Kind of like a job interview, the most important job we will ever have.

Our birthmother's mom touched her daughter's belly and said, "This baby was grown in Hawaii" (they lived in Hawaii during her pregnancy). My mouth dropped and my heart started to pound, loud and fast. I was born in Hawaii and that has always meant something special to me. I remember thinking to myself, 'if that is not my child, I don't know who is'. Confirmation!

We had toyed with the idea of "open adoption", but we were not sold on it. Until that night we looked at each other and my husband said, "if she chooses us, we have to be open with them". Confirmation!

Needless to say, she chose us to be the most blessed parents ever of her little girl. Our little angel is 2 now and the most amazing child ever...a little biased, I am her mother.

I have many other stories and things to share about open adoption, but I will save that for another post. Again, another blessing in our life.

This Blog.

I started this blog after a friend's Infertility Blog sparked the idea. Her blog is to reach out to those who are dealing with infertility, a support blog, if you will. Having dealt with infertility myself and then being told, "you and your husband will never have your children biologically"...we were at a screaching hault on the road to having a family. IVF, AI, IUI...none of that was an option for us. Adoption became our option. This blog is for those who wish to share their stories with adoption, and those who wish to explore the option. Briefly I will share my story, and if you have questions...please ask. My husband and I always knew we wanted to have children and a family. After four years of marriage we decided to start a family. One year of trying and no pregnancy. Several tests later we found that I had a few cysts (removed) and my husband had no sperm. We quickly decided to move forward and look into adoption. August of 2006 we were blessed with our sweet little daughter and an amazing relationship with her birthfamily. We are now on the road to baby #2, and developing another beautiful relationship with his birthparents. I said this would be brief, but please don't misunderstand that there is so much more to our story that makes it an inspiring story for the blessing of adoption. I am sure I will expand on our story as this blog continues. Please feel free to comment, or email me your story at foreverweeks@yahoo.com, if you wish to share it and reach out to others. My prayer is that some will be touched by adoption through the amazing experiences I have had and seen with adoption. "Its Love that Makes a Family"