Mother's Day

Happy Mother’s Day to all the amazing mothers and grandmothers, and birthmothers.  Today is a day to reflect on the blessing that children are in our lives.  I have just a few thoughts for the day and since this blog is due for a new post, here goes.  I am so grateful for the opportunity to be a mother.  All I ever wanted was to be a mother.  The story goes back many years….

When I was a teenager I remember watching the movie “Saturday’s Warrior”.  Many of you may remember that movie as well, an 80’s iconic family movie for youth…in my day…

If you haven’t seen it or don’t remember, let me catch you up. There is a girl, main character, named Pam.  She is a twin and one of the eldest in a family of eight children (more than 2 nowadays is a lot to some…I would have been great with 20 kids).  Early in the movie there is a scene where she is in heaven dancing and she says, “As long as I can dance my way through life, well that’s all that matters”.  Then she is born and on earth she is paralyzed from her waste down and confined to a wheelchair.  After watching that part I had a very distinct thought, that I was once in heaven saying, “As long as I can be a mother then that is all that matters”, but that I would not be able to have children while on earth.  All this while I was a teenager, I wasn’t even thinking about marriage or family at the time, but had that fear. 

As I am reflecting on our adoption story I am thanking my Father in Heaven to be able to celebrate this Mother’s Day, I recall many times when the question, “Why am I facing this trial, with the one thing I wanted is the one thing I have struggled with, and why when having children is such a righteous desire would I not be able to have children?”  Then the experience I had as a teen, with that movie comes to my mind.  And even though I still don’t know the complete answer to “why”, I know He was preparing me to be able to accept this trial.  Tender Mercies. 

I love Mother’s Day, I couldn’t wait to be able to celebrate a Mother’s Day (with children) and now I have celebrated my 7^th one…I look forward to always celebrating Mother’s Day because it reminds me that I am a Mom and that is a blessing I will always cherish, no matter how hard the job, I am so grateful for it. 

Final thank you to my amazing husband and beautiful children for this day and of course my Loving Father in Heaven and my Savior.

Introducing Jerica

I am so excited about this week's entry and it is my extreme pleasure to introduce my first sissy from another missy...Jerica. Jerica is Kya's birth mother. I have told Kya's story HERE but now the story will be told from Jerica's perspective in her words. We love our birth moms sooooo much, words cannot express how I feel about sharing this blog with them. And heeeeeerrrrrreeees Jerica....

When Paula asked me to co-author this blog and tell my story, I was really excited about it. I have always wanted to help someone if I could, and I thought this would be a great way.

BUT… as I started thinking about what I would write, a lot of feelings came up that I have buried deep inside for almost 8 years now. It’s almost as if I am pregnant with Kya again because of how intense my feelings are and how vividly I can remember the situations. So, hopefully my story can help someone, but I am really hoping that by writing this down and re-living this I can actually help myself.

I guess every story starts at the beginning… so here we go!

Let me introduce myself: My name is Molly. Actually, it is Jerica, but Molly was a nickname I received my freshman year of High School. It is short for “Molly Mormon”. I was the epitome of Molly Mormon. I didn’t drink caffeine, I didn’t watch pg-13 movies, I had never said a swear word in my life (and if you swore around me I would let you know that I didn’t appreciate it). So yes, I was a little bit extreme. Which, I was proud of! I was proud that people knew my standards. My clothing was very modest; not tight, high neck, shorts to my knees. I read and prayed daily, went to church weekly, and attended seminary. I had never drank or done drugs, and because people knew how firm I was about my religion, they never offered them to me. I had plenty of friends who all shared my same values. I didn’t care about being the most popular or the hottest girl in school. I was content with living my life the way it was.

Then there was this boy…

He was new in school and he was “hot”! He played football, he was buff, he was nice and he was one of the “popular guys”. It didn’t take him long to get a girlfriend. He dated the really pretty girls who were also “popular”. I never, in a million years, thought he would go for me. So, I didn’t go out of my way to get his attention. I just admired from a distance.

One day in Driver’s Ed class, there was a new seating chart. And I was excited to see that he and I sat right next to each other! I was nervous and shy as we slowly started to get to know each other. Not only was this boy handsome, but he was charming and funny! This came to be my favorite class of the day, and he was the reason.

One day, he grabbed my Driver’s Ed booklet and wrote “Jerica is hott” on the front cover. I was a 14-year-old silly girl, so of course I freaked out. I showed all my friends and couldn’t stop looking at it. How could he be attracted to me? I was plain. I did the same hair-do every day, the way I dressed wasn’t at all sexy, and the only make-up I wore was mascara!

But for some reason, he asked me to be his girlfriend.

As we got to know and like each other more, I found myself changing.

My clothes started getting tighter and lower (which my dad was not happy about). The boy wasn’t asking me to change my appearance, I was doing it because I wanted him to stay with me. I have never had that great of self-esteem, so I still wondered why he would choose me. I thought that if I dressed more desirable, it would make him like me more. For some reason I became embarrassed to be such a “goody-goody” instead of being proud of it. I started changing the little things, such as drinking caffeine. Later, I decided to go to an R-rated movie with him so he would think I was cool. I felt so guilty though that I made myself fall asleep at the beginning of the movie. My parents didn’t know that I went to the movie, and that is definitely one of my first mistakes: hiding things from my parents. My relationship with my parents had always been really good and I didn’t want to mess it up. So I figured what they don’t know won’t hurt.

I would eventually find out that I was very wrong...

"Family is a Treasure in Heaven"

Had a great time this weekend spent with family. The kids and I went to Utah to stay with one of my five sisters and her kids. Her children are each just 6 months younger than mine...with one additional little sweet guy in hers. So naturally instant friendships are made, right?  There was plenty of jumping on the trampoline, playing zoo (my kids are amazing animals impersonators), played "buy a pet" (according to my 5 year old Zander), barn....clearly there is a animal theme ensuing. Among many other games that he is now telling me about. I love their creativity.

We also had the opportunity to watch and listen to the leaders of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter. Day Saints. I am proud to be a member of. I love our prophet Pres. Thomas S. Monson and the many other auxiliary leaders. What an awesome weekend. There were so many talks and words of inspiration. Sometimes I feel that I fight a battle everyday. Everyday I wake up and put on my armor, just to get through the day to day things, let alone standing for truth and righteousness. Conference weekend in April and October are great for a boost and rejuvenation of spirit and strength for the said "day to day".

Pres. Monson said some beautiful things regarding love for all people. To reach out to others within our faith and not in our faith. More on this topic in the next blog entry. But one of the other talks that I really enjoyed was when I heard this..."Families are the Treasure of Heaven"by  Elder Neil L. Anderson.  It made me think of a very special weekend in our family's life.  By family I don't only refer to me, my hubby and two kiddos....I extend the term family to many others. 

 

(This picture is not even close to the numbers in our family)

The weekend of August 1st-2nd of 2009, we were so blessed to seal our little Zander to our forever family in the Twin Falls Idaho Temple.  Naturally the temple experience was beautiful and very sacred, but I want to share with you the experience after and the following day when blessed Zander.

I want to share first the family members that joined us that weekend.  My parents and five of my six siblings and my grandparents (grandpa performed the sealing), Carl's parents, grandparents and siblings, some aunts and uncles as well, we had Kya's birthmother's family including great grandparents, grandparents, birthmother and husband and siblings, Kya's birthfather, including his grandparents, parents, step-parents, birthfather and wife and son.  In addition to that crowd, there was also Zander's birthparents as well.  We had all seven families that we call FAMILY represented by at least one family member (and many more in some cases). 

We had a lovely potluck luncheon at a park following the sealing on Saturday.  The following sunday when we blessed Zander in church, we had another family gathering ie: luncheon (food is always involved right?).  We also shared this special day with Kya's 3rd birthday party.  My parents graciously hosted the event in their home.  I thank them everyday in my heart for their willingness and hospitality.  It can't be easy to have nearly 50 people in your home at one time.  50 might be a stretch, but there were a lot there.  We had yummy food, presents for Kya, friendships were made and memories engraved in the hearts of many.  Kya's birthmother introduced her husband to Kya's birthfather and in return he (birthfather) shared his new little son to us all.  All of Kya's birthfather's parents and step-parents joined us as well.  Zander's birthparents (engaged to be married at the time) were there and shared their love with us.  The opportunity for "awkward" was definitely presented, but that is not at all how it felt.  When the majority of the crowd went on with their lives and left the festivities, I remember sitting down with my little family and just thinking...WOW, that was fun!

For Carl and I, it only felt natural that everyone be invited to this grand event.  I do know that there were some reservations from many of the different family members.  A little concern for the how everyone would be welcomed or accepted into our family.  I honestly didn't think there would be a problem, because after all, they ALL are family to us.  With some apprehension and reserve in the hearts of some, the weekend went beautifully.  Everyone got along, everyone was kind and the feeling that I felt having everyone there was comforting.  I have always felt that without all these amazing people, I would not be a mother.  For most, this concept of "open adoption" includes contact and pictures occasionally from adopting parents.  Open adoption to us means, open communication with all involved, family gatherings, family reunions, vacation, important events and even babysitting for us, from birth-families included.  I am proud to claim that my children have 7 sets of grandparents.  We love them all.  My children affectionately have names from each grandma, which helps them remember which grandma is which.  We have a grandma that fishes and has bunnies, we have a grandma that loves Hawaii and a couple art grandmas including "decorations and snacks and painting".  We have an Abuela and even a star wars grandma.  Sadly we have a few grandmas that we don't see as often due to distance.  (all grandpas come with the grandmas, so we never forget them)

Without all these amazing people, can we call ourselves family?  Not to mention all the greats (great-grandparents) and outstanding aunts and uncles that come with the package.  It takes a village to raise children, but in our family....these families make up our village. 

I recently found out while sharing a special moment with some of my sisters, that this amazing weekend of Zander's sealing and blessing, was an eye opener to many of the family members there.  I cannot express their feelings properly as they are not my own, but would gladly share their thoughts if they wanted to.  I do know that the idea of "family" was viewed a little differently after then. 

I am so grateful for my Heavenly Father's plan for me and my family.  We are blessed to be together forever and to have so many that love my children, makes this mommy and happy one as well as very much at peace with the well being of my children.  In another conversation with a birth-family member, we played with the idea of having seven different cul-de-sac neighborhoods that neighbored one another with our mansions in Heaven.  How great to be able to have two beautiful children bring so many families together.  I cannot express how blessed I am to be a part of this great plan He has provided.  I cannot express my love for so many people and love and gratitude for my Savior to allow this experience in my life, here on earth. 

(Jon, Zander, Tess, Morgan, Jerica, Kya, Jeff, Alicia, Oakley)

TOFW 2014

Here I am, said I would keep updated on this blog.  Baby steps...probably gonna be once a week until I get back into the swing of things.  After much thought of how to approach this blog, I feel I am going to continue with adoption stories and snippits of other's stories, while also adding more fun stuff like insight and inspiration that I may have had or from others that I feel I wanna share or you wanna hear...

The drive was kinda long, but thoughts were racing through my mind as I had my music blaring, with Idina voice filling the car.  I enjoyed the ride, all by myself, alone with my thoughts and I definitely found inspiration in the moments.  Having just spent an amazing weekend with Kya's birthmother (whom I will refer to as "sissy from anotha missy", affectionately, from now on), and her mother, and grandmother, and sister-in-law, and aunts, friends, etc.  Great company to be with while sitting in an auditorium bursting with enthusiastic women, on the edge of their seats, thirsting for inspiration, motivation....whatever...I know I was looking for something.  I found it and loved it.  Tune in next week

She Lives....

Wow, so I post 2 years ago and then nothin'....what a great blogger I am.  However, this blog has been through some CPR and will live again.  Gonna be makin some changes, ie, blog address, but will give you plenty of notice when that happens.  Also gonna be adding an author. 
Had some inspiration and insight this weekend that has opened my heart to new ideas and an new approach to this blog...please continue to visit...and I promise to continue to write.  You will want to meet who my coauthor is. 

a Fresh Start

I haven't been blogging for a long time here...perhaps because my two little ones, among life, keep me busy.  Doesn't mean adoption isn't still near and dear to my heart.  One day I would love the opportunity to adopt one more sweet baby...I don't feel like my family is complete yet. 

Yes, two kids, a dog, a fish, greatest husband and father in the world and the countless family members we proudly claim our own through geneology, biology, adoption and community; definitely sounds like the  completion of a family.  But are we really "complete"...in my heart, it tells me "no".

As my children grow each day, and never cease to amaze me, I count my many blessings and thank my Father in Heaven for the gift they are to me.  I know that my children are His children that I am entrusted and honored to raise while on this earth.  And I know that they are truly a gift from those on this earth that brought them here and gave them breath and life and then unconditionally and lovingly gave to us.  So is it asking too much to hold just one more teeny one in my arms, one last time, before the sands of time age us all too fast?

Well, the purpose of this blog truly is for the support and friendship of those out there needing someone to listen.  Please, feel free to share, to cry, to listen and just be there for others, here.

If you wish to share your own story or have questions, please email me your post at foreverweeks@yahoo.com
and I will post it here.  Thank you for visiting and hopefully joining me here.  I would really like to get this blog up and active again.

mother of Kya and Zander

Birthmother perspective

http://birthmamadrama.blogspot.com/2011/01/faqs-for-yours-truly.html

Finally...Zander's story

Well, it only took me a year or more to get back to this story. Again and apology to those who had been following, and probably have lost interest due to my neglect...so I am sure that the last part of this story is just for my benefit of journaling. But better late than never, right?

So after we got the call that a birthmother had chosen us...it was difficult to believe it since we hadn't been contacted personally by anyone. This was on a thursday. We left town the next day to spend the weekend with Carl's parents and while gone we recieved an email from Zander's birthparents. It was a fabulous email, they told us all about themselves, sent pictures and even told a little about how they came about to choose us.

A few months prior after we had moved and somewhat settled down (at least in my parents house while we remodeled our home) I was sleeping one night until around 2 am our daughter woke me up to potty. When I went back to bed, I lay there awake thinking about the blog that I had been neglecting (sounds like a horrible pattern) and I wasn't able to go back to sleep, it was weighing on me. So, at 3:00 am I got up, went to my computer and posted an update, clearly stating that we were busy, but I felt it was important to post something. This was on a Wednesday evening, the very Wednesday evening before we got the call from Zander's birthparents on Thursday.

In the email we received Zander's birthmother stated that she was having a difficult time choosing and had a few couples in mind. She had been following our blog and was disappointed that I hadn't been keeping up on it. She wanted to learn more about us and get to know us more, but we hadn't updated in a few months. She finally prayed and asked for some answer as to who should be Zander's parents, she asked that we post on our blog...her prayer was on Wednesday.

She said her prayers were answered when she got onto the blog and we had posted...she knew we were Zander's parents.

She was only about 14 weeks pregnant and wanted to get to know his parents and develop a relationship with us well before the birth. We met them in person two months later when they came to Idaho and stayed with us for a weekend. After we continued to email and call as much as possible. In December of 2008 I flew to Denver to spend a weekend with Zander's birthparents one last time before he was born. She wanted a little more one on one time with me.

It was a difficult road during her pregnancy; emotions ran high, things were said that I am sure we all wish we could take back, but in the process, we also developed a relationship of honesty, trust and respect. I value our open communication, it has served us all well these past almost two years.

Her due date was nearing and I told her that when she got to 4 centimeters, to call me and I would pack up and head to Denver. She had a doctor's appointment a week before she was due and called me, reporting that she was not in labor, but at 4 centimeters. This was Monday the 26th of January. I packed up, called my husband and said, "I am leaving for Denver tonight, are you able to come or should we fly you out later". He decided he would come too and so we packed up the family, taking Kya with us and we left. We stopped to stay with Carl's parents for the night and then drove the next day all day to Denver, arriving around 3:00 pm that afternoon.

I called Tess to let her know we had arrived, but she wasn't feeling well and told us to give her some time to feel better before seeing her. So we drove to our friends house to wait.

Two hours later, she called and said she was heading to the hospital. We met her there and she was admitted and we were all ready for baby #2 to arrive....the rest of the story is for another blog and another day.

An Apology

For those who have followed this blog in the past and then sat waiting for me to finish our little Zander's story...I apologize for what I can only explain as some laziness and a lot of busy-ness. I have been really busy, now with TWO little ones and Zander being "spirited", I have neglected to update on this blog.

I am headed out to do a photo session for a new adoption family and was researching to prepare...stumbled on my blog, only to be reminded that I haven't posted. I do intend on finishing Zander's story....until then, just a note for now.

Zander's Story...Part 2

So I didn't get back to the story the next week. Oops! But I am back now and here is Part 2 of Zander's Story.

When last left off, we had transferred our adoption profile from the Denver, Colorado office to our now Idaho office. This was in June of 2008. We bought a home and began to remodel, which helped us put the adoption "out of site, out of mind", so to speak. Sometimes its easier to be busy, so that everyday you are not reminded of the "waiting" period.

Sometime in mid July, Carl and I were working on the house and needed a break. We took off to grab a bite to eat for lunch. May I paint a pretty little picture: Carl and I in our grubbies, hat on head, no makeup (for me at least, ha) and just dirty, dirty, dirty. We are eating in a fast food restaurant and my cell phone rings. No thought, I pick it up. It was our caseworker saying that there was a birthmother considering us, but she was also looking at several other families.

Both Carl and I began to cry, right there in the restaurant. With the way we looked, I am sure people around us thought maybe we were homeless and at "rock bottom", when really we had hope. We were being considered. That's when it all felt real, again.

I have a little guy that needs my attention right now and a daughter that wants some attention too. So, this will be another break from the story. I will not wait so long for the next one, this time.