Thoughts of being an adoptive mother

As you know...my life changed drastically in October 2005 from "what I thought becoming a mother was supposed to be like". I only thought this way because that is how I was raised and fashioned to think...get married, get pregnant, become a mother....right.  Well that is not always the way and on my journey I have learned many ways of becoming a mother...the so-called non-"traditional" ways.

As an adoptive mother I have learned many things, which I want to share with you.  During the "waiting" period (a very difficult time in the process) I learned that waiting to be an adoptive mom is where you learn to have patience...this doesn't mean I have completely succeeded in having patience but I have a greater understanding of what patience means. From my experience patience is not knowing the end result and enjoying the journey along the way. Knowing that tomorrow brings more uncertainty....more unsure feelings of whether or not I would be a mother and if so when would that be. Patience is not only understanding that that uncertainty is inevitable, but you learn to be positive and have a good attitude about it.  Patience is living each day as you did the day before (only with a little more color...gotta keep life exciting somehow) but be progressing in something. Standing still and "waiting" for life to come to you will keeping in the same spot you were at the day before. I believe in moving forward each moment in life. I am certainly NOT an expert on patience and now that I am a mother my patience is tried everyday....but it's a learning process I am striving to succeed if not perfect.

Then once I became a mother...being an adoptive mother taught me a whole new meaning. There is a saying I heard that sums it up beautifully. "From Gods arms, to her arms, to mine".   I edited it a bit for the purpose of personalizing it. Even if I were to have had the opportunity to carry my children in my own belly and bore them biologically...these children are still on loan from God. He has just entrusted me the opportunity to raise them on earth in hopes to return them to him someday in Heaven. As an adoptive mother, you add in another mother to the mix. Every adoption relationship will be different and personal to all parties involved, and our experience has been more rare than most...which is why we (Jerica and I) share it. Not only do we have another mother in the mix...but grandmothers, grandfathers, aunts, uncles and so forth....in addition to my immediate family as well as my husbands immediate family. What does this mean?  Does everyone raise my children....does everyone have a say into how their lives turn out...does everyone KNOW my children.  In our case...yes...and we LOVE it. They say it takes a village to raise children, why not have that village consist of biological and adoptive families. Again, this may not be the best situation for all adoption cases, and certainly in our case as with all others (should be), the best interest of our children is number one priority. We truly have been blessed with our village of people.  We have had conversations with family about how great a village it would be in Heaven to have our mansions of all seven of our families be on the same street or cul-de-sac. What a beautiful eternal perspective.

As a mother, each personality trait and behavior my children possess tell a story or shine a light on something new. As an adoptive mother, when my child acts out or behaves a certain way, the thought will always run through my mind..."nature vs. nurture". It's become a joke in our family...who gets to claim responsibility for their BEST behaviors.  As my children grow older their birth parents come out more and more. Naturally as their earthly/adoptive mother I hold tight to as many behaviors as possible with the hope that I am nurturing them to the best of my ability or the way God would want me to raise them. Everytime my son laughs...I see his birth mom or see his creativity. I just see my daughter's Birthmother everytime I look at her or watch her love animals. My son tells a joke and his skin turns golden brown in the sun and his birth father shines through. Each time my daughter's athletic abilities develop and we see she does have coordination, her birth father is there. There are so many things I could go on and on about when it comes to the resemblances they have to their loving birth parents.  I love my children and count my blessings each time I hold them when they're sick or hurt, and each tear I dry, each accomplishment they have and each memory we make...and my blessings start with 1, 2, 3, 4...Jeff, Jerica, Jon and Tess.  Of course my loving Heavenly Father that has placed my children in our plan and all that they come with.

Being an adoptive mom doesn't make me any different as a mother with respect to raising children in this complicated world...it just gives me a unique perspective to mothering. And I LOVE it.

I love sharing my children with their birth parents. They are mine, but I wouldn't have these amazing children without their birth parent's unconditional love for them.