It appears that I never really finished Zander's story...which led me to re-read my blog....where I learned that I never really finished Kya's adoption story.  I began the blog and posted "My complete story"...so NOT the complete story.

I left off with a promise to talk more about open adoption and our experience.  A little summary before I continue the story. Carl and I had already met another Birthmother that chose us to be the parents of her baby on the spot while having an ice cream meet and greet with her. It breaks my heart to think that I would have turned down ANY baby that would give me the opportunity to be their mother, but when The Lord has a plan for you and confirms it in your heart...you listen.  We prayed and fasted to know what to do next. Thankfully we didn't have to wait too long for the Lord's plan to come to fruition.  The very next week is when Jerica called. I was working as a night nurse at the time and we had put my husbands phone number as the contact number. It was too difficult for me to have my phone in my possession and be "waiting" for that call EVERYDAY. Waiting is a whole new ball game that I can only try to compare to as a "pregnancy" with an unknown due date...not easy. After a long night shift I went to bed around 6 am. When I woke up at 11 am there was VM on my phone. My husbands calm and soothing voice said, "Call me when you wake, it's important". I remember distinctly the words he said to me when I called him immediately. He said, "A birth mom has called this morning and she sounds like the one. She seems to have a head on her shoulders and very mature. She wants to meet with us soon because she is due next week". WHAT?

I was scheduled to work that night with one of my little precious pediatric patients but I knew we needed to make a trip that night to meet Jerica. It was a Friday and I knew we wouldn't be able to get our case worker to make a two hour drive to meet Jerica with us. So, we went on our own.

As we got closer to Jerica's home my nerves were rattling. Would this be it, would this be the day that we find out our family begins?  We came to the end if their lane and there was a beautiful house on the corner....not theirs...then we passed another house...not theirs...the nerves on edge now with anticipation. Finally the house at the end of the LONG (what seemed like too long) lane.

Carl grabbed my hand and we walked to the front door.  I honesty don't remember who answered the door but I do remember when Jerica walked into the living room from being downstairs. She was a beautiful and so young girl. Her belly was large and all it was all I could do to not hug her and want to rub her belly. I refrained. It was so comfortable to sit there in her families living room and chat with them all. We met her parents, three brothers and little sister who was a year younger than my daughter is now. Her older brother was there and very involved in the conversation.  Carl asked him how he felt about all this...the pregnancy am the potential plan for adoption. It was just like chatting with family, of course I was secretly dying inside, I just wanted to hold Jerica and tell her how much I loved her right then...again I refrained. She hadn't chosen us yet. Remember I am not a patient woman.

The year prior to this meeting, while in the "waiting" process...I had heard of others' adoption stories and how they were so unique and personal to them, I just prayed and prayed that we would be blessed with an adoption that was so personal for me and unique. Silly I know, but that is what what important to me.

As I mentioned in the original post...Jerica's mom so gently and lovingly patted Jerica's belly (my now little Kya) and said, "this little baby was grown in Hawaii". I don't know if my jaw dropped but I  was in complete shock and wanted to jump up and do a cartwheel right then and there.  As an Army Brat growing up, my family moved around a lot and traveled the globe.  I was my parents little Hawaiian souvenir.  That was my confirmation.  My prayers were answered. At that moment I knew I was going to be a mother.

I want to share more but dinner and life are calling. I feel as though this blog is coming into it time.  My intentions were good before, but there is a time and a season for all things.  Now is the time and this blog and it's stories will be more detailed and more heart and soul will go into each post. As mentioned so many times before...adoption is my life and I cherish my children's stories. It is not difficult for me to share their stories, but they are very personal to me and near to my heart. With that in mind...so are the posts that come from our birth families.  I feel as though a lot of how and what we write is therapeutic for us.

There is so much more to tell...until next time.  Not far away...this is our season.

Thoughts of being an adoptive mother

As you know...my life changed drastically in October 2005 from "what I thought becoming a mother was supposed to be like". I only thought this way because that is how I was raised and fashioned to think...get married, get pregnant, become a mother....right.  Well that is not always the way and on my journey I have learned many ways of becoming a mother...the so-called non-"traditional" ways.

As an adoptive mother I have learned many things, which I want to share with you.  During the "waiting" period (a very difficult time in the process) I learned that waiting to be an adoptive mom is where you learn to have patience...this doesn't mean I have completely succeeded in having patience but I have a greater understanding of what patience means. From my experience patience is not knowing the end result and enjoying the journey along the way. Knowing that tomorrow brings more uncertainty....more unsure feelings of whether or not I would be a mother and if so when would that be. Patience is not only understanding that that uncertainty is inevitable, but you learn to be positive and have a good attitude about it.  Patience is living each day as you did the day before (only with a little more color...gotta keep life exciting somehow) but be progressing in something. Standing still and "waiting" for life to come to you will keeping in the same spot you were at the day before. I believe in moving forward each moment in life. I am certainly NOT an expert on patience and now that I am a mother my patience is tried everyday....but it's a learning process I am striving to succeed if not perfect.

Then once I became a mother...being an adoptive mother taught me a whole new meaning. There is a saying I heard that sums it up beautifully. "From Gods arms, to her arms, to mine".   I edited it a bit for the purpose of personalizing it. Even if I were to have had the opportunity to carry my children in my own belly and bore them biologically...these children are still on loan from God. He has just entrusted me the opportunity to raise them on earth in hopes to return them to him someday in Heaven. As an adoptive mother, you add in another mother to the mix. Every adoption relationship will be different and personal to all parties involved, and our experience has been more rare than most...which is why we (Jerica and I) share it. Not only do we have another mother in the mix...but grandmothers, grandfathers, aunts, uncles and so forth....in addition to my immediate family as well as my husbands immediate family. What does this mean?  Does everyone raise my children....does everyone have a say into how their lives turn out...does everyone KNOW my children.  In our case...yes...and we LOVE it. They say it takes a village to raise children, why not have that village consist of biological and adoptive families. Again, this may not be the best situation for all adoption cases, and certainly in our case as with all others (should be), the best interest of our children is number one priority. We truly have been blessed with our village of people.  We have had conversations with family about how great a village it would be in Heaven to have our mansions of all seven of our families be on the same street or cul-de-sac. What a beautiful eternal perspective.

As a mother, each personality trait and behavior my children possess tell a story or shine a light on something new. As an adoptive mother, when my child acts out or behaves a certain way, the thought will always run through my mind..."nature vs. nurture". It's become a joke in our family...who gets to claim responsibility for their BEST behaviors.  As my children grow older their birth parents come out more and more. Naturally as their earthly/adoptive mother I hold tight to as many behaviors as possible with the hope that I am nurturing them to the best of my ability or the way God would want me to raise them. Everytime my son laughs...I see his birth mom or see his creativity. I just see my daughter's Birthmother everytime I look at her or watch her love animals. My son tells a joke and his skin turns golden brown in the sun and his birth father shines through. Each time my daughter's athletic abilities develop and we see she does have coordination, her birth father is there. There are so many things I could go on and on about when it comes to the resemblances they have to their loving birth parents.  I love my children and count my blessings each time I hold them when they're sick or hurt, and each tear I dry, each accomplishment they have and each memory we make...and my blessings start with 1, 2, 3, 4...Jeff, Jerica, Jon and Tess.  Of course my loving Heavenly Father that has placed my children in our plan and all that they come with.

Being an adoptive mom doesn't make me any different as a mother with respect to raising children in this complicated world...it just gives me a unique perspective to mothering. And I LOVE it.

I love sharing my children with their birth parents. They are mine, but I wouldn't have these amazing children without their birth parent's unconditional love for them.