Introducing Jerica

I am so excited about this week's entry and it is my extreme pleasure to introduce my first sissy from another missy...Jerica. Jerica is Kya's birth mother. I have told Kya's story HERE but now the story will be told from Jerica's perspective in her words. We love our birth moms sooooo much, words cannot express how I feel about sharing this blog with them. And heeeeeerrrrrreeees Jerica....

When Paula asked me to co-author this blog and tell my story, I was really excited about it. I have always wanted to help someone if I could, and I thought this would be a great way.

BUT… as I started thinking about what I would write, a lot of feelings came up that I have buried deep inside for almost 8 years now. It’s almost as if I am pregnant with Kya again because of how intense my feelings are and how vividly I can remember the situations. So, hopefully my story can help someone, but I am really hoping that by writing this down and re-living this I can actually help myself.

I guess every story starts at the beginning… so here we go!

Let me introduce myself: My name is Molly. Actually, it is Jerica, but Molly was a nickname I received my freshman year of High School. It is short for “Molly Mormon”. I was the epitome of Molly Mormon. I didn’t drink caffeine, I didn’t watch pg-13 movies, I had never said a swear word in my life (and if you swore around me I would let you know that I didn’t appreciate it). So yes, I was a little bit extreme. Which, I was proud of! I was proud that people knew my standards. My clothing was very modest; not tight, high neck, shorts to my knees. I read and prayed daily, went to church weekly, and attended seminary. I had never drank or done drugs, and because people knew how firm I was about my religion, they never offered them to me. I had plenty of friends who all shared my same values. I didn’t care about being the most popular or the hottest girl in school. I was content with living my life the way it was.

Then there was this boy…

He was new in school and he was “hot”! He played football, he was buff, he was nice and he was one of the “popular guys”. It didn’t take him long to get a girlfriend. He dated the really pretty girls who were also “popular”. I never, in a million years, thought he would go for me. So, I didn’t go out of my way to get his attention. I just admired from a distance.

One day in Driver’s Ed class, there was a new seating chart. And I was excited to see that he and I sat right next to each other! I was nervous and shy as we slowly started to get to know each other. Not only was this boy handsome, but he was charming and funny! This came to be my favorite class of the day, and he was the reason.

One day, he grabbed my Driver’s Ed booklet and wrote “Jerica is hott” on the front cover. I was a 14-year-old silly girl, so of course I freaked out. I showed all my friends and couldn’t stop looking at it. How could he be attracted to me? I was plain. I did the same hair-do every day, the way I dressed wasn’t at all sexy, and the only make-up I wore was mascara!

But for some reason, he asked me to be his girlfriend.

As we got to know and like each other more, I found myself changing.

My clothes started getting tighter and lower (which my dad was not happy about). The boy wasn’t asking me to change my appearance, I was doing it because I wanted him to stay with me. I have never had that great of self-esteem, so I still wondered why he would choose me. I thought that if I dressed more desirable, it would make him like me more. For some reason I became embarrassed to be such a “goody-goody” instead of being proud of it. I started changing the little things, such as drinking caffeine. Later, I decided to go to an R-rated movie with him so he would think I was cool. I felt so guilty though that I made myself fall asleep at the beginning of the movie. My parents didn’t know that I went to the movie, and that is definitely one of my first mistakes: hiding things from my parents. My relationship with my parents had always been really good and I didn’t want to mess it up. So I figured what they don’t know won’t hurt.

I would eventually find out that I was very wrong...

"Family is a Treasure in Heaven"

Had a great time this weekend spent with family. The kids and I went to Utah to stay with one of my five sisters and her kids. Her children are each just 6 months younger than mine...with one additional little sweet guy in hers. So naturally instant friendships are made, right?  There was plenty of jumping on the trampoline, playing zoo (my kids are amazing animals impersonators), played "buy a pet" (according to my 5 year old Zander), barn....clearly there is a animal theme ensuing. Among many other games that he is now telling me about. I love their creativity.

We also had the opportunity to watch and listen to the leaders of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter. Day Saints. I am proud to be a member of. I love our prophet Pres. Thomas S. Monson and the many other auxiliary leaders. What an awesome weekend. There were so many talks and words of inspiration. Sometimes I feel that I fight a battle everyday. Everyday I wake up and put on my armor, just to get through the day to day things, let alone standing for truth and righteousness. Conference weekend in April and October are great for a boost and rejuvenation of spirit and strength for the said "day to day".

Pres. Monson said some beautiful things regarding love for all people. To reach out to others within our faith and not in our faith. More on this topic in the next blog entry. But one of the other talks that I really enjoyed was when I heard this..."Families are the Treasure of Heaven"by  Elder Neil L. Anderson.  It made me think of a very special weekend in our family's life.  By family I don't only refer to me, my hubby and two kiddos....I extend the term family to many others. 

 

(This picture is not even close to the numbers in our family)

The weekend of August 1st-2nd of 2009, we were so blessed to seal our little Zander to our forever family in the Twin Falls Idaho Temple.  Naturally the temple experience was beautiful and very sacred, but I want to share with you the experience after and the following day when blessed Zander.

I want to share first the family members that joined us that weekend.  My parents and five of my six siblings and my grandparents (grandpa performed the sealing), Carl's parents, grandparents and siblings, some aunts and uncles as well, we had Kya's birthmother's family including great grandparents, grandparents, birthmother and husband and siblings, Kya's birthfather, including his grandparents, parents, step-parents, birthfather and wife and son.  In addition to that crowd, there was also Zander's birthparents as well.  We had all seven families that we call FAMILY represented by at least one family member (and many more in some cases). 

We had a lovely potluck luncheon at a park following the sealing on Saturday.  The following sunday when we blessed Zander in church, we had another family gathering ie: luncheon (food is always involved right?).  We also shared this special day with Kya's 3rd birthday party.  My parents graciously hosted the event in their home.  I thank them everyday in my heart for their willingness and hospitality.  It can't be easy to have nearly 50 people in your home at one time.  50 might be a stretch, but there were a lot there.  We had yummy food, presents for Kya, friendships were made and memories engraved in the hearts of many.  Kya's birthmother introduced her husband to Kya's birthfather and in return he (birthfather) shared his new little son to us all.  All of Kya's birthfather's parents and step-parents joined us as well.  Zander's birthparents (engaged to be married at the time) were there and shared their love with us.  The opportunity for "awkward" was definitely presented, but that is not at all how it felt.  When the majority of the crowd went on with their lives and left the festivities, I remember sitting down with my little family and just thinking...WOW, that was fun!

For Carl and I, it only felt natural that everyone be invited to this grand event.  I do know that there were some reservations from many of the different family members.  A little concern for the how everyone would be welcomed or accepted into our family.  I honestly didn't think there would be a problem, because after all, they ALL are family to us.  With some apprehension and reserve in the hearts of some, the weekend went beautifully.  Everyone got along, everyone was kind and the feeling that I felt having everyone there was comforting.  I have always felt that without all these amazing people, I would not be a mother.  For most, this concept of "open adoption" includes contact and pictures occasionally from adopting parents.  Open adoption to us means, open communication with all involved, family gatherings, family reunions, vacation, important events and even babysitting for us, from birth-families included.  I am proud to claim that my children have 7 sets of grandparents.  We love them all.  My children affectionately have names from each grandma, which helps them remember which grandma is which.  We have a grandma that fishes and has bunnies, we have a grandma that loves Hawaii and a couple art grandmas including "decorations and snacks and painting".  We have an Abuela and even a star wars grandma.  Sadly we have a few grandmas that we don't see as often due to distance.  (all grandpas come with the grandmas, so we never forget them)

Without all these amazing people, can we call ourselves family?  Not to mention all the greats (great-grandparents) and outstanding aunts and uncles that come with the package.  It takes a village to raise children, but in our family....these families make up our village. 

I recently found out while sharing a special moment with some of my sisters, that this amazing weekend of Zander's sealing and blessing, was an eye opener to many of the family members there.  I cannot express their feelings properly as they are not my own, but would gladly share their thoughts if they wanted to.  I do know that the idea of "family" was viewed a little differently after then. 

I am so grateful for my Heavenly Father's plan for me and my family.  We are blessed to be together forever and to have so many that love my children, makes this mommy and happy one as well as very much at peace with the well being of my children.  In another conversation with a birth-family member, we played with the idea of having seven different cul-de-sac neighborhoods that neighbored one another with our mansions in Heaven.  How great to be able to have two beautiful children bring so many families together.  I cannot express how blessed I am to be a part of this great plan He has provided.  I cannot express my love for so many people and love and gratitude for my Savior to allow this experience in my life, here on earth. 

(Jon, Zander, Tess, Morgan, Jerica, Kya, Jeff, Alicia, Oakley)